One month later...

One month. 30 days. Somehow that's all the time that has passed since we first met Crosby Jin Wolfe. And yet, it feels like a year. I don't know how we managed without him. His infectious laugh, his curious eyes, his goofy play, his flexible nature, his obsession with cats and the outdoors, his happy attitude, his love for others...we are absolutely enamored with this kid. Every single one of us. What an absolute privilege we've been given to love, nurture and raise this sweet boy of ours.  

"Gotcha Day", one month ago

Together for Thanksgiving!

I haven't had the time to blog about our "Gotcha Day" or China yet, because....well, I have a very busy toddler now, and when he is sleeping, I'm either grading Sydney's homeschool papers, wrapping Christmas gifts, cuddling with the hubs, or trying to get housework done. But, I really wanted to post a quick update this morning, especially for those of you that aren't on Facebook. I've been posting pics and snippets on there, because it's quick and easy. Overall, things are going REALLY well! Eating new things, communicating, sleeping (thank you, Jesus!), sibling relationships, adjusting to family life and his new home are all going wonderfully! He is making amazing progress each day. 

Of course, not everything is fun. Adoption is certainly not for the faint of heart. Doctor's appointments are hard...particularly bloodwork. Crosby turns into He-man, and it took 5 nurses at the International Adoption Clinic in Birmingham just to hold him down for half of the viles we needed. Stool samples are also not fun, but totally necessary. Then, there's the kitchen. If he sees food or dishes, he must eat...and we have an open kitchen.  He's not used to seeing his food until it's time to eat. This obviously complicates all things in the kitchen, as well as shopping in any stores that have food. Kroger's ClickList is my best friend (other than Josh) right now. So are those freezer meals I made ahead with my Mom and sister Patti. 

Crosby and I are still mostly huddled up at home working on attachment. We are seeing some progress, but it's slow going. He is still showing signs of indiscriminate attachment; you've never seen a kid so friendly with the UPS guy. His charming personality made him the favorite in his orphanage, so we knew this would probably be an issue. He still calls every female "MaMa," because that is what he called all his nannies. We're trying to use "Mommy" for me, in hopes that he will distinguish the two...but he hasn't said it yet. He will point to me though, when Josh asks, "Where is Mommy?" He also knows that Josh is "DaDa" and only calls him that, so that is a great step forward! Please be praying that Crosby will continue to attach to Josh and I as his parents. We're doing everything we can, but we know this is heart work. It takes intentionality, time and God's miraculous work. We are confident in, grateful for, and clinging to the multitude of His promises in Scripture to care for children, particularly those without families...He defends, He sustains, He sets them in families, He lifts them up, He rescues, He loves. This is HIS work. We just get to work alongside Him and watch His promises come to life. What an honor! 

Trusting in His great faithfulness,

k.

"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness." - Lamentations 3:22-23 ESV

Attachment & Bonding

When we were preparing to bring Becca home five years ago, I wrote a blog post entitled "What to Expect" in which I laid out expectations for our "cocooning" period with Becca. I wanted to write about this again before we bring Crosby home, because now more than ever we understand the importance of this in a child's transition to their forever home.

Secure attachment is absolutely foundational to children in all areas of their development - learning, social, emotional, physical growth, etc. When a baby is raised in a traditional setting with the same loving caregiver meeting his needs thousands of times a day, he develops a foundation of trust and secure attachment to his caregiver. It takes time and lots of repetition for children joining a family through adoption to attach and bond to their new family members and vice versa. I've already written a little bit about how Crosby will also likely go through a grieving period. It may be while we are in China, or it may be once we get home. Every child is different and depending on personality and the amount of trauma a child has experienced, it can take months or years for a child to experience emotional healing, learn what it means to be part of a family and attach to his forever family. We want to make sure our friends and family understand this process, because it takes lots of intentional time.

We know how excited you all are to meet him, and we promise we won't be hermits forever. However, just as we did with Becca, we plan to make life as boring and repetitive as possible for Crosby's first several months home and significantly limit our social interactions. The very best way that Josh and I can work on bonding and attachment is for the two of us to be the only ones to hold him and meet his needs (feeding, soothing, cuddling, diapering, instructing, etc.). So, expect to see us wearing him in a carrier or holding him a lot, because we need to be the only ones to hold him until he securely attaches to us. There's a very real thing called indiscriminate attachment, and we've seen signs of it firsthand. It might seem cute to someone on the outside..."Oh look, he's just so friendly. He'll go to anybody! What a loving little boy." However, it's actually not a good sign for building attachment to his new parents. This child might be learning to flash a cute smile and get what he wants from whoever is close by and has what he wants. We want to do whatever we can to prevent or correct this kind of behavior. I know this won't be easy for everyone who has been praying and looking forward to his arrival (including his big sisters and brother), but we absolutely KNOW this is what he needs. So, here are some guidelines (some Do's & Don'ts) for what we are asking of our friends and family, in terms of interaction around Crosby, particularly during his first several months home:

Do's:

• Pray for our transition time and a deep, loving attachment to be formed.
• Always direct Crosby to one of us if he approaches you. ("Let's ask your Mom if that's OK?" or "I bet your Dad would really like to see that. Why don't we go show him?")
• Pay special attention to our other children. We have tried our best to prepare Sydney, Brody and Becca for the transition, but it is still going to be a challenge for them. They know Crosby is going to require a lot of attention at first, but that doesn't mean they won't feel sad or left out some of the time. We're going to work hard to spend one-on-one time with them, but it will mean a lot to have others "filling their buckets" as well. When Becca first came home, everywhere we went people would ooh and aah over her. Meanwhile, our older two stood by barely being acknowledged, especially by strangers in places like the grocery store. They never complained, but I could see the hurt in their eyes. 
• Encouragement - we need to limit the amount of interaction Crosby has with new people, but that doesn't mean we want to disappear completely ourselves. If you have time to send us a text, email or card with some encouraging Scripture, that can make all the difference on a hard day. 
• Educate yourself and others on attachment and bonding and orphan care in general. There are so many ways that God can use you to care for children from hard places. Maybe you can't adopt yourself, but that doesn't mean you can't advocate for these amazing children and encourage other families that do. If you want to learn more about connecting and attaching with children from hard places, I would definitely recommend reading The Connected Child by Dr. Karyn Purvis. It was required reading for our first home study, but I've read it several times since then just to refresh my brain! Dr. Purvis was such a wonderful gift to the adoption and foster care community, and the work and resources which she has left behind are invaluable. 
• Welcome us home. I've had a few people ask about coming to the airport, and you are absolutely welcome to come and celebrate his homecoming with us. Let me know if you'd like to, and I will get our flight information to you. Just understand that we will have flown halfway around the world with a two year old, been through customs in Atlanta and will probably be exhausted! We will still be absolutely thrilled to see you if you want to be there...and then after that, we'll be all huddled up at home for a while.

Don'ts:

• Overdo physical interaction with Crosby. As I said before, Josh and I need to be the only ones holding him for a while. Please do not try to take him from our arms or pick him up. Also, please don't give excessive hugs and affection to him. Instead, wave, give high fives and blow kisses. These are appropriate and welcomed behaviors.
• Meet his needs. If you think he needs food, a drink, comfort or affection, please direct him to us only. Charming behavior and indiscriminate attachment can really set us back in our attachment and bonding, and it can have far-reaching negative consequences for children. 
• Give him gifts or treats directly.  If you want to give him a gift or a treat, please give it to us instead. We aren't trying to take credit for your generosity, but it's really important that any gifts are given from our hands for the first few months. 
• Make assumptions. Please don't assume that Crosby is going to initially feel relieved or grateful to become part of our family. This is a life-altering difficult transition for most kids. Also, understand that some of our parenting may look odd or like we are treating him like an infant, but it is purposeful. We are trying to give him those infant-parent experiences that he missed out on, which are so important for bonding. 
• Speak without a filter around him. Any foster or adoptive parent you talk to probably has lots of stories about the crazy, inappropriate things people have asked or said in front of their children. I promise, we are not easily offended, and we see it as part of our job to educate people about adoption. We welcome questions. However, be mindful of what you say in front of our children and how your questions/comments might be received by their little ears and hearts. 

We do not want these boundaries or the distance we keep for a while to come as a surprise to the people we love, so we hope this blog serves to help you understand the attachment process a little bit. We are so thankful for our wonderful, supportive community of friends and family! We hope you understand the reason for these boundaries. Please don't hesitate to ask us if you have any questions at all! Now, for some more cuteness...

With hope and love,

k.

"Now in all these things, we are conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." - Romans 8:37-39 ESV

T Minus 13 days!

Our Travel Approval came on Tuesday morning this week, so we've been scrambling to book flights and make arrangements this week. Our "gotcha day" has been scheduled for November 5th, so that is the day we will finally be holding (or chasing) our sweet boy! Josh, Sydney and I will be getting on a plane headed for Beijing in just 13 days! (We just have a zillion things to do before then, but no big deal.) The timing is just SO perfect; it's almost like Someone orchestrated it all. 🤔🤔🤔 When we get back home, Brody and Becca will have a week off for Thanksgiving break, which means no morning rush and lots of time for us all to get to know one another. Thank you, Jesus!

We're so grateful that everyone is already celebrating with us! I can't imagine having a more supportive and welcoming community of family and friends. We have felt your prayers, been humbled by your generous gifts and been encouraged by your kind words throughout this whole process. As we get ready to travel, I've had so many people ask me if we need anything. What we truly want and need most is for our trip and Crosby's adjustment to be covered in prayer, because we serve a sovereign and good God who brings beauty from ashes and turns our mourning into dancing. Having been through this process before, we know some of what lies ahead. Adoption is beautiful, but it is born out of tragedy because we live in a broken, hurting world. Things are not as they should be, but praise God for His redeeming work. 

Just imagine your almost 2 1/2 year old child being taken from all he knows and being given to people who don't look like him and don't speak his language. It is a terrifying experience for these precious children...to start anew, to fly on big, loud machines in the sky, to eat new foods and not know what's happening. [Just ask me about our flight home with Becca 5 years ago. It still gives me nightmares. Longest day of my life.] Crosby will grieve what he is losing, as he should. He doesn't know what the future holds. He doesn't know this is what's best for him...yet. That takes time...it will take months of cocooning and bonding...for him to feel safe and secure and loved. And, I believe there is a lesson here for us. It reminds me of our own reaction when we find ourselves in less than desirable circumstances, when things are totally beyond our control. I've been there...my life has been turned upside down more than once, and I'm guessing yours has too. What is our raw and honest response in those moments? To throw a big, fat tantrum. Just me? That used to be my M-O. Why? because I couldn't see past the end of my nose. I don't have the foreknowledge that our great God has. I didn't know that what was happening was best for me. Sometimes I still don't understand God's plan. But, after being in relationship with Him for over three decades now, I can finally have peace in the middle of stormy circumstances and rest in His sovereignty because I know Him. I know He is faithful; He has proven it time and time again to me. His ways and His plan are always best, even when things don't make sense in the now. That doesn't stop it from being hard, and that doesn't stop the pain...but He is with us in the hurting. And, honestly, that's all we may be able to do for Crosby during his adjustment. To be with him. To hold him or let him throw his big, fat tantrum and then scoop him up and tell him we love him no matter what. God does this for us, His children, so we do it for ours. We love because He first loved us, and He taught us how.

I have been reading through and meditating on the book of Colossians this month, and it is so rich and overflowing with the things I would ask you to pray on our behalf. Paul and Timothy penned Colossians while Paul was in prison, around A.D. 62. He was writing to the church at Colossae, a fairly young church plant of 7-10 years old. They were facing some deceptive teaching, and Paul longs to shepherd and guide this young body to a more mature faith. I find it so interesting and inspiring that even while imprisoned, Paul's prayers are always full of thanksgiving and are overwhelmingly spoken on behalf of others. It also convicts me, because my prayers usually sound nothing like his. We pray for safety and hope for ease. But not Paul. He understands that God cares more about our character than our comfort. Instead, he prays for and challenges the church to seek deeper things. So, if you would honor us with your prayers, let's follow Paul's example. Yes, we would love to have a smooth, safe trip to China and back home, and I don't think anything is wrong with such a prayer. But, more than that, we want more of God. We want to be changed to be more like Him. So, if you feel compelled to pray for our family over the next few months, I invite you to pray through Colossians with me.

• that we would be filled with the knowledge of God's will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, and that we would walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to Him, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God  (Col. 1:9-10)
• that we would be strengthened according to His glorious might, having endurance and patience with joy (Col. 1:11)
• that we would have humble and thankful hearts, knowing it is God who has created us and qualified us to share in His inheritance (Col 1:12-18)
• that our hope would rest in Him and His salvation, which brings forgiveness, peace and reconciliation with God (Col. 1:19-20)
• that we would continue steadfastly in our faith (Col. 1:21-23)
• that we would rejoice in our sufferings (Col. 1:24)
• that our hearts would be encouraged, being knit together in love (Col. 2:2)
• that we would walk with Christ, being rooted and built up in Him, abounding in thanksgiving (Col 2:6-7)
• that we would set our minds on and seek things of eternal significance (Col 3:1-2)
• that God would give us His love to put on, which binds everything together in perfect harmony (Col 3:14)
• that Christ's peace would rule in our hearts (Col 3:15)
• that all we do and say would be done in His name, with thankfulness (Col 3:17)
• that we would work heartily for the Lord and not men, knowing it is Him we serve (Col 3:23-24)
• that we would walk in wisdom, making the best use of our time (Col 4:8)
• that our speech would always be gracious, so we know how to answer each person (Col 4:6)
• that we would fulfill this wonderful ministry we have received from the Lord (Col. 4:17)

In Christ our all in all,

k.

 "Continue steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving." 

Colossians 4:2 ESV

We received some adorable new pictures with our final update!!! 

I can't stand the cuteness!!!

Article 5

It's been a busy month over here, but I have a couple hours to myself today and wanted to sit down and update y'all on where things are at in our adoption process. Last time I blogged, we had just gotten our LOA. Since then, we sent away for and received our visas, and we also received our Provisional Approval from immigration. Our visa information was then cabled to the US Embassy in China (which was delayed a day due to the typhoon there). Right now, we are in the middle of the "Article 5" process. This is normally a two week process, but it will take us three weeks, because of the National Day Golden Week in China next week. After our Article 5 pickup on October 9th, we will begin waiting for our Travel Approval (TA), at which time we can secure a Consulate Appointment and book our travel arrangements!!! EEK!!! At this point, if things go smoothly, we could be traveling in early November. 

The wait is starting to really draaaaaag the closer we get to travel (kind of like those last couple months of pregnancy), but God has blessed us with so many joyful gifts as we enter this last part of our wait. First, we received some incredible, generous financial gifts in the past month! It has been so fun and miraculous to watch how God has used so many of His people to play a part in bringing Crosby home. Secondly, several people who have been to Crosby's orphanage and met/played with him have gotten in touch with me. We've been blessed with some older pictures and a couple of updates on how he's doing, and it's just given us such a lift on those days when the waiting feels hard and long. We got the crib put together in the boys' room, bought a car seat, and we're starting to pull together things we will need for travel. I've planned a freezer meal day with my mom and sister, so we can have lots of meals ready to heat up when we get back home. This is me... doing what I can to remain sane while I have a child (whom I've never met) that has completely stolen my heart... on the other side of the world.

I'm reminded every time a sibling fight breaks out, every night I can barely keep my eyes open, every time I do our banking, and every time I have to pile everybody into the car for something, that we've already "got our hands full." I think most moms also feel this way, but there a lot of days I feel like a juggler who is just bound to drop a plate. I don't have it all together...none of us do. But it's in those moments of feeling oh-so inadequate that God lifts us up. It's then that we truly see our need for Him. When we're weary, He offers us rest (Matthew 11:28). He gives us peace (John 14:27) in the midst of our chaos. He gives us unconditional love to share with our children and others around us (1 John 4:19). And, He equips us with what we need to follow His will (Hebrews 13:21). Sydney and I are reading through Kisses from Katie right now, and it's been so encouraging. Just this morning before I dropped Syd off for her hybrid classes, we read these words that I could've written myself: "When I thought about Mary, I decided not to strive to be a perfect mother but to simply endeavor to be like she was--completely unprepared but ready to take the child God handed to her....Mary was a mother. I am a mother. As long as God keeps giving me these precious children of His, I will continue to love them to the best of my ability. I will be an inadequate, uncertain, loving-with-everything-I-have, filled-with-more-joy-than-I-deserve mother. God has a way of using inadequate people, and sometimes He calls us to reach a little higher or to stretch a little further, even when we feel we can't do anymore. We simply trust Him. And then, He gives us everything we need to do the 'more' that He is asking of us." 

Simply trusting Him,

k.

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God."

Hebrews 12:1-2 ESV

A giant step forward: LOA!

We received super exciting news yesterday!!! Our agency received our LOA (Letter of Acceptance) from China! This means our dossier made it all the way through the paperwork process in China, and we are officially approved by China to adopt Crosby! This also means that we are about 2-3 months from being able to travel and bring our little guy home. It's looking like November, most likely. YAY!!!! 

Now we are waiting on US immigration for our 800 approval, sending off our visa applications and starting to prepare for travel. For those of you that are visual, we are on Step 9 in the process as detailed below. Lots of waiting ahead, but the LOA was the longest wait...so we can see the light at the end of the tunnel now!

  

Last month we had the opportunity to attend an adoption training conference put on by our wonderful agency, Lifeline. Can't say enough about how much we love our Lifeline family! They are AMAZING! The conference was a real encouragement, full of great reminders, and it was such a blessing to meet other families who are going through the same process (some we may end up traveling with!). I think we were the only family attending that had adopted previously, so it was also a great chance to answer questions that our new friends had. 

Thank you so much to all of our brothers and sisters in Christ who have given to our matching grant so far!! We are so humbled and grateful for that way you reflect Jesus by your generosity! And, we are so blessed that you've jumped in to be a part of Crosby's coming home story. Because of your giving, we only have about $7,500 left to come up with...and we know God will provide! 

"Our soul waits for the Lord; 

He is our help and our shield. 

For our heart is glad in Him, 

because we trust in His holy name. 

Let your steadfast love, O Lord, be upon us, 

even as we hope in You."

Psalm 33:20-22 ESV

In His steadfast love,

k.

Our Birthday Boy!

We have some great news to share! Our dossier has moved out of Translation and into the Review stage. We still have two more stages to go before LOA, but we are thankful for progress. But, the best thing we've received this week has been new pictures and a video of Crosby! Crosby turned 2 recently, and we were able to send a birthday party package for him and his little buddies at the orphanage. I'm seriously melting...

I am so in love with this kid already!! It makes the waiting so hard, not having him home for such a special day. Every holiday is tough; every family outing reminds us that we're not yet complete. And, every night when I tuck Brody in and see the empty bed beneath him, my heart grows impatient. We are trying to make the best use of this time of waiting though, knowing that God goes before us and is at work behind the scenes. Josh and I are finishing up the homeschool room for Sydney, and we're trying to enjoy things we know will be more difficult once we bring our little man home...things like going to the 10PM fireworks in town! It really has been a super fun summer with our older three (especially the days when they are getting along).  It's also been good to walk through this process with Becca, knowing she is processing part of her story with every step. Last night, we watched her birthday party video from China and looked at pictures. She laughed and asked questions. We've been praying especially for Becca during this process, aware that she may not handle the addition of Crosby to the family in the same way that Sydney and Brody will. While we think it will be really wonderful for her, in the long run, to have someone in the family who looks like her and shares a similar story, she is also losing her spot as the "baby" and what makes her different from the rest of us. So, if you would, please join us in praying for our Becca Boo's heart through this process.

Soli Deo Gloria,

k.

"Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer." - Romans 12:12 ESV  

LID & Shoe Funnies

Shortly after I posted yesterday about our adoption grant, I got an email from our social worker that said we were officially LID! There are four steps in this process, before we receive our Letter of Acceptance (LOA). Gotta love all the adoption acronyms, right?! 😉 The four steps are Translation, Review, Matching and Seeking Confirmation. Currently, our dossier is in the Translation phase. When we received our Log-In Date during Becca's adoption 5 years ago, we had Sydney and Brody make the letters "LID" in sign language (Read the old post here if you want to reminisce with me.). Now that we have three kids home, they each got to do a letter for Crosby's LID! They're all just getting WAY too big over here (The tween with the ripped jeans is Exhibit A). I just gotta throw in the old pic for fun...

Fun, true story... during Becca's adoption, we sent her a birthday party and a pair of crocs. Someone must have messed up her shoe size, because if you look closely in the current picture, she is wearing those crocs today. When she came to the hotel with us, she brought her birthday crocs which were only about 5 sizes too big. HAHA. At least they weren't too small; she's getting to use them this summer. Speaking of shoe funnies, we had another shoe disaster today actually. Sydney's flip flop came totally apart early in the day, and we still had lots of walking around to do. A paper clip was all I could find in my purse, so we wove it into the fabric and stuck it into the bottom of her flip flop. Voila! I walked around the rest of the day feeling like MacGuyver. [Side note: I've also been known to staple pants before. There's no wardrobe malfunction we haven't been able to handle so far armed with my Mary Poppins-like purse.] But, I think my favorite funny shoe story is when we drove all the way down to Atlanta for one of Becca's craniofacial (extremely hard to get) appointments, only to discover that my oldest (who had lived 9 years on this earth at the time) had forgotten to wear shoes that day. FORGOTTEN TO WEAR SHOES, Y'ALL. We had no choice...we parked in the garage, I gave her my socks, and we went on our merry way...getting strange looks all morning. Thankfully, she is much more responsible now, and it's my 8 year old I have to worry about remembering his shoes, glasses, underwear...basically himself. Oh, but it's so fun. They make me laugh every day, and laughter is such good medicine. Anywho, I just wanted to share our joyous news with all of you wonderful friends and family who are praying with us and following along in this journey! We love yas!!

Soli Deo Gloria,

k.