By His Power

If you've been wondering what we've we been doing for the last few weeks...we've been filling out mountains of paperwork, getting copies of important documents together, crunching numbers, getting our physicals and blood-work done, making phone calls and conducting interviews about resources, finishing up our home study meetings, reviewing the draft of our home study report, and doing lots of praying and waiting. That's a cycle you have to get used to in the adoption process...fill out paperwork like mad, trust the Lord and wait. 

We are hoping to finish up our home study this week. Then we'll be able to submit a Letter of Intent (LOI) for a specific little boy. We are praying hard for the Lord's will to be done, trusting Him in the midst of all the unknowns and praying for His equipping. We can't wait to share more as time goes on and we're able! I told our social worker last week... I just don't know how people go through this process without being able to trust in the sovereignty of God. I would be an absolute basket case if I didn't have that assurance! 

When I started blogging about Becca's adoption, I answered a few questions we were getting asked a lot. We are getting some of those same questions this time from folks we didn't know back then. [See my post called "A Growing Pack" for the answers to the following questions: Why adopt when you can have biological children? Why international adoption? How are you going to pay for this?] Our answers have grown longer, but our initial reasons are also still present. We have more reasons for heading back to China now, including the amount of boys in the medical needs program vs. the amount who are actually being adopted, our love for the people of China has only grown and we also love that Becca will have someone else in our family who looks like her and has a similar story. 

Another question we are being asked is what drew us to the medical needs program. In a word, experience. Each of our three children have had medical needs over the years, requiring surgeries, hospital stays, regular treatments and specialists. Josh often jokes that I am "Dr. Karen," and I do feel I deserve at least an honorary nursing degree or something. Ok, not really, but I'm on my way there after hours in specialist offices and hospitals. I have the utmost respect for people in the medical field; our family is greatly in their debt. Because of our experience, we feel more at ease with all things medical than your average Joe; most medical needs just don't scare us anymore. We believe that's the work of God in our lives; we believe He has prepared and equipped us to not only handle medical needs, but to have the honor and privilege of helping our children (whatever their needs may be) to grow and thrive! 

We have already seen the fingerprints of God all over this adoption, from circumstances to provision to stretching our minds to divine conversations. A lot of the details we aren't able to share yet, but there are a few quick examples that I can share. 1) We recently switched pediatricians due to our move, and on our first visit, we learned the kids' new doctor was an adoptee! And, she was awesome! 2) Josh and I have both gotten calls out of the blue that were answers to our prayers for God's financial provision. 3) We've become aware of some promising therapy resources right in our own little rural area. & 4) I'm attending a women's Bible study through our church, and we are studying Exodus and Leviticus. Last week, our lesson was about His equipping, and our biblical texts spoke to me right where I was at.... struggling with some thoughts and questions about specific medical needs. He gave me total peace from His Word! God can handle the big questions, and He cares about the details; He can handle our doubts and feelings of inadequacy. So, if you are struggling with those things too, cast your cares on Him and live in the Bible. He will be faithful to answer if you seek Him!

Thank you all for your continued prayers and encouragement! Keep asking questions; we love sharing about adoption and aren't easily offended by honest questions. We are far from experts, but we love to educate where we can and share our personal experience with adoption. 

To this end we always pray for you, that our God may make you worthy of His calling and may fulfill every resolve for good and every work of faith BY HIS POWER, so that the name of our Lord Jesus may be glorified in you, and you in Him, according to the grace of our God and the Lord Jesus Christ.

2 Thessalonians 1:11-12 ESV

Expansion

We are excited to announce that our family has recently started the adoption process again! After a four year blogging hibernation (oops), I will attempt to revive my blog to keep our friends and family in the loop. You and your prayers were such an encouragement and source of strength for our family through our first adoption process. When we started the process to bring Becca home, we had a hunch we would be heading back to China to adopt again. We initially had no idea that there were so many boys in China's waiting child (special needs) program, and this time we plan to bring home a son! We are using the same agency as last time, and we will be adopting a boy with medical needs between the ages of 0-7 years old. We have our second home study meeting later this week and are thrilled to be on this journey again!

We have been ready to start the process again for well over a year, but had put things on hold because we planned to move. Over the summer, we moved to the beautiful foothills of North Georgia, just outside of Jasper. Living in a small town rural setting suits our family so well..not to mention, I can see my mom's house from my back porch and my sister's house from my front porch now! It has been wonderful to be so close to family, constantly surrounded by God's magnificent creation rather than retail stores and traffic. Life has slowed down, and we have more time together as a family. We finished building our new house just before Christmas, and we are so utterly thankful. We were able to build the same size house for less money than we sold our house for in the suburbs, which is helping us get started with our adoption expenses.

The kids are doing great! Sydney is 11 years old and in 5th grade this year. She is an avid reader, tree climber and fearless leader. She is excited to start middle school with mom next year, as we plan to homeschool during those glorious middle school years (pray for me!). We are hoping that Sydney will be able to travel to China with us this time. Brody is about to turn 8 this month and is in 2nd grade, and he is as energetic and brilliant as ever. He is absolutely thrilled to be gaining a brother and is excited to have a bunkmate when little brother comes home. Becca Fei...she is just blossoming, y'all! She is 7 1/2 years old, getting straight A's in 1st grade and is an absolute joy. She is currently between cleft surgeries, and we are all enjoying this "down" time. She continues to do weekly speech therapy at school, but she is doing fantastic in a regular classroom. She is always carrying a book around and loves to eat...just like her Momma. 

I am enjoying being home full-time and planning homeschool curriculum for Sydney next year. (Don't tell her, but the planning will probably be my favorite part.) Unfortunately, Josh hasn't had much time to rest, since we have been working on the house. Thanks to his handy construction skills, we decided to finish the house ourselves, and well...we are still working on closets and shelving and filling nail holes, etc. He is, however, enjoying his virtually stress-free commute! Mountain views > Barrett Parkway. We have also plugged in to a great local church up here, Mountain City Church, and we have already begun to make some wonderful friendships. We are so thankful for the Lord's provision!!!

Please pray with us... (1) that the Lord would prepare our new son's heart to join our family and to know Him, (2) that the Lord would prepare our hearts to attach, (3) that the Lord would continue to provide the adoption funds and direct the process to go smoothly, (4) that the Lord would continue to grow us and teach us, molding us into the parents that our children need, ones who point to Him, and (5) that the Lord would sustain our new son's health until we are able to bring him home to receive whatever care he needs. And, praise the Lord with us! We are so grateful to join Him in His mission to care for the fatherless. He is the author of adoption; He is the one who brings beauty from ashes. His heart is one that defends the orphan, who creates, sustains, values and loves life and children. This is HIS work, and He will be faithful to complete it. We serve such a GOOD and LOVING God! 

"The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ and the love of God and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit 

be with you all." - 2 Corinthians 13:14

Our Hearts' Song

We are so grateful for all the love and prayers over the past month. Becca Fei's recovery from surgery is going well...I'm so glad to finally be able to say that!! Her pain is now minimal, and she's starting to eat and get some sleep (at last!). Now that I'm also getting more sleep, I found the time to finish something I've been working on for a while. I put together a video/slideshow/thing-a-ma-jig of pictures from the last year - our adoption journey through 5 months home. I hope you enjoy this glimpse into what adoption has been to our family -- a blessing, a gift, a miracle. We have discovered the truth that DNA is not required for a child to be your own. LOVE is SO much more than gene protection...take that, Darwin!

Sure, it hasn't been all sunshine and roses, but as Teddy Roosevelt said, "Nothing in the world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty... I have never in my life envied a human being who led an easy life. I have envied a great many people who led difficult lives and led them well." As a family, we don't have the expectation that life, on this side of eternity, will be easy or simple. We expect trials and tribulations at every turn, but we look for the grace of God in it all and strive for His glory - whatever the day may bring. We know - and we hope you know - that JESUS is the reason for any and every good thing in us. We aren't award-winning parents; we aren't wealthy; we aren't [fill in the blank]; we aren't better than you. We are just following Jesus and hoping to reflect His light and love. In the words of Winston Churchill, "We are all worms, but I do believe I am a glow-worm." We hope you enjoy this glimpse into our hearts' song...

                       

                       Becca Fei's Adoption from Karen Wolfe on Vimeo.

Joyfully Outnumbered

Where in the cotton pickin' world did the last 5 months go?!? I cannot believe I have not had/found/made the time to get on here and update you wonderful folks who have prayed and cried and rejoiced with us this last year and half. I have been sporadic, at best, with posting mini updates on Facebook. I definitely plan to blog about our actual trip to China at some point (maybe when all three are in school!!), but first I wanted to give you all an update on being home as a family of five. I am SO sorry for the long silence - but hey, absence makes the heart grow fonder, right? ;) 

I've decided that my only excuse reason for dropping off the face of the cyber-earth has been that we "adults" (I use that term very loosely) are now outnumbered. Two of us versus three little crazies; we are definitely learning and growing as parents. With two of them being 3 years old and one of them coming from a hard place, it's been 5 months of almost constant teaching, tantrums, disciplining, cleaning up accidents and spills, feeding, wiping, nursing sickies...you get the idea. Josh and I are switching from man-to-man to zone defense. We are having very good days and very bad days. But at the end of each day when the crazies are catching zzz's, I have no response but ABSOLUTE PRAISE to our Maker. He has made Becca Fei our daughter, our own -- just as He has made us His own. For some reason, He chose us (totally inadequate and exhausted over here!) to parent these three. To be a vessel for His love to flow through us to our children. Lord knows, that's the only thing we can do - put our hands up and ask Him to fill us, guide us, flip our mistakes on their head and point our children to Jesus.

These 5 months of adjustment have been tough, but they have also been full of little kid giggles x 3, tickle fights x 3, snuggly reading x 3, singing in the car x 3, everything x 3 -- God has multiplied our JOY! There is another little tot who now folds her hands at our dinner table as we say our family prayer; she sleeps in our cozy home and runs to us for boo boo kisses. She is absolutely AMAZING -- she is brave, she is stubborn, she is a fighter. But, she is literally the most loving child I've ever known. She is charming, she is smart as a whip, and she is hilarious. It has been such an incredible experience to watch her open up and begin to blossom. There have been so many "firsts" for Becca Fei in the past 5 months...first airplane ride (looooongest day of my life), her first Thanksgiving, first time in a car seat, first Christmas, first road trip, first pair of glasses, all kinds of first foods, first time in the snow, first wedding, first time swimming, first time at church, first canoe ride...almost every day has brought a new experience for her. 

She is now running, signing, counting, sorting, and exploring!!! She understands most basic English now, but she also remembers her friends from China (particularly her best buddy Micah -- seriously, we may be arranging a marriage). And she's opening up to us, as trust has been built. Just tonight as I was rocking her at bedtime, she signed "mommy, daddy, airplane" then "Becca Fei sad airplane; happy now." SHE IS SUCH A UNDESERVED GIFT to our family. Most days I cannot even process or bear the thought of her not being here in our family or going to bed in the orphanage. PRAISE is my only response. PRAISE TO JESUS...for stirring our hearts toward adoption, for being in every detail, for providing the funds, for walking this road with us. And He remains, because the journey is not over. 

Miss Becca Fei is getting ready to undergo surgery this coming Monday. This surgery will be the first of a series to repair her cleft palate, and she'll be getting tubes in her ears as well. I have confidence in the surgeons and am mostly just ecstatic to give her the gift of speech (and hopefully better hearing)! And, I'm so thankful that from now on, she won't have to go through surgeries and therapy alone. She'll have her Mommy & Daddy right there with her! So, PRAISE HIM with us!! But, we also covet your intercessory prayers, friends...we know this recovery is expected to be miserable. Her mouth is going to be painful and itchy, and she will be in arm restraints for a couple of weeks to allow healing to take place. And, to top it off, she is a finger sucker/biter. So, please pray for our sweet girl; and then pray for me...and send me Coke/coffee/chocolate/donuts. :) Haha. But seriously, we are praying hard (1) that this surgery will not set back our attachment/bonding and Becca's sense of security/trust with us and (2) that God will supply the love and attention Sydney & Brody need during the stretch of time when Becca will require 100% care. She has handled so many "big" things amazingly well - we shall see about this one. Whatever the path ahead, our God is mighty and faithful! This is HIS story, and HIS stories are simply the best! 

Psalm 68:3-6

But let the righteous be glad; let them exult before God;

Yes, let them rejoice with gladness.

Sing to God, sing praises to His name;

Lift up a song for Him who rides through the deserts,

Whose name is the LORD, and exult before Him.

A father of the fatherless and a judge for the widows

Is God in His holy habitation.

God makes a home for the lonely;

He leads out the prisoners into prosperity,

Only the rebellious dwell in a parched land.

Anticipation

In roughly 8 hours, we will meet our daughter Rebecca Fei for the very first time. In some ways, Becca joining our family will not be unlike a child joining one's family through birth.  We have dreamed of holding her for many long months. We have prayed for her. We have wondered at the future plans God has for her precious life. We have prepared our other children to welcome her into our family. We have prepared a room for her in our home. But in other ways, her story is completely different because she is joining our family through adoption.

Her story began with tragedy, as all adoptions do. Becca Fei has not known the love and security of a family for her first 3 1/2 years. There are so many things we don't know about her past and may never know. We don't know why her birth family was unable to care for her and her medical needs. We don't know what desperation they must have felt. We don't know their family traditions or even what they look or looked like. But, we do know that she was found, and we are so thankful that her little life was preserved. We know that God has a plan and purpose for her life, and He has chosen us to play a part in her story. It will be her story to tell, but we hope and pray that she will see God's hand on her life; that she will see His good plans and purposes for her; that she will see the love, healing and beauty that only our God can bring from brokenness. HE is the only hero here. 

Josh and I marveled again on the plane ride over at how much you can fall in love with and yearn for someone you've not yet met. Oh how we've missed her since we first saw her face!! We know the road ahead may be long and bumpy. She will grieve. She may fight. She will struggle. And, we will not be perfect parents, but we will choose to love her. We will come to Jesus each day in our brokenness and ask Him to make us whole. We will look to Him as the ONLY one who can rescue, the ONLY one who can love perfectly. We will draw from His well for strength, compassion and love. Because, we simply cannot do this parenting thing (or anything else good or worthy) on our own.

I woke up this morning at 5AM China time, and there's no way I'm getting back to sleep! I had brought a book with me called Praying the Scriptures for Your Children, and began reading it, along with Isaiah 40. I am praying the following verses for Becca Fei, and I would love it if you would do the same.

(10) Behold, the Lord God comes with might, and His arm rules for Him; behold, His reward is with Him and His recompense before Him. (11) He will tend His flock like a shepherd; He will gather the lambs in His arms; He will carry them in His bosom, and gently lead those that are with young. (12) Who has measured the waters in the hollow of His hand and marked off the heavens with a span, enclosed the dust of the earth in a measure and weighed the mountains in scales and the hills in a balance?...(26) Lift up your eyes on high and see: who created these? He who brings out their host by number, calling them all by name, by the greatness of His might and because He is strong in power not one is missing. (27) Why do you say, O Jacob, and speak, O Israel: "My way is hidden from the Lord, and my right is disregarded by my God"? (28) Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; His understanding is unsearchable. (29) He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might He increases strength. (30) Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; (31) but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.

Lord, You promise to tend Your flock like a shepherd. Gather Becca Fei like a lamb in Your arms and carry her close to Your heart. And, just as You promise to gently lead those that have young, teach us, as parents, how to love and guide and care for Becca Fei.

Travel Approval!!!

Your steadfast love, O Lord, extends to the heavens,

Your faithfulness to the clouds.

Your righteousness is like the mountains of God;

Your judgments are like the great deep;

man and beast You save, O Lord.

How precious is Your steadfast love, O God!

The children of mankind take refuge in the shadow of Your wings.

They feast on the abundance of Your house,

and You give them drink from the river of Your delights.

For with you is the fountain of life; in Your light do we see light.

Oh, continue Your steadfast love to those who know You,

and Your righteousness to the upright of heart!

-Psalm 36:5-10 ESV

We are heading to China!!! We got our Travel Approval on Tuesday, and we got a confirmed Consulate Appointment at 1AM this morning (b/c the amazing staff at our agency does not sleep)!! Lord-willing, on 11/11, we will hold our Becca Fei for the very first time! We will finally get to hear her voice and study her little hands and feet. We will be able to try to comfort her as she grieves all that is changing. We will start to teach her about our great God and who we are as a family. Her family. And the world will have one less orphan. Praise Jesus!

Last weekend, our sweet sisters from church threw Becca Fei the most beautiful "toddler" shower I've ever seen. These ladies down here in the South sure know how to plan a party!! The ladies of our church truly value and praise Jesus for every human life, and they throw a celebration for every single child that joins our church family through birth or adoption. One tradition our church ladies have at the end of every shower is to surround the mother and spend some serious time in prayer. The prayers that were sent up to God that day - on behalf of our family - brought me to tears. Overflowing, grateful tears. We are so thankful to God for the church family and community He has brought us to!

After abundant blessings from our church family and friends, 

we now have Becca Fei's room all ready!

I've only been awake for two hours, but my cheeks are already feeling the burn
from the perma-smile plastered onto my face!!!
Hence, the overuse of exclamation points!!!!! Get used to it, folks!!

God is SO faithful!!! 

What To Expect

The latest on the adoption front: our Article 5 wait has been delayed one week because of a Chinese national holiday, so we are expecting our wait for Travel Approval (Step 13 below!) to begin on Tuesday or Wednesday of next week! We’ll keep you posted on that.

I am trying to heed the advice of our agency and treasure this next month or so. For, it is a gift. It truly is. Each and every day. Things are about to drastically change in this family of ours, and I want to enjoy every last moment as a family of four. I want to pour into Sydney and Brody until their cups overflow. I want to enjoy date night and six hours of uninterrupted sleep with the hubster. It’s most likely going to be a while before we return to a state of normalcy ‘round these parts. Let me explain.

In earlier posts, I’ve alluded to the fact that we’ll be working on bonding/attachment. Through the training and reading we’ve done, we have learned SO many fascinating things about how God has designed babies! Attachment between a parent and child occurs over time when a baby has a need, communicates that need and then has it met by a consistent caretaker (usually Momma Bear). As Momma repeatedly soothes the child and meets his/her needs, safety and trust are developed. This security forms an emotional foundation for learning, development, growth and future relationships. These children have a foundation for trust and empathy towards others.

Children who come home through adoption have a little different journey. They have already experienced the loss of a biological parent(s), whether through death or other means. They are coming from a very traumatic place. In addition, our Becca will be losing her caretakers from her current orphanage, along with the familiar sights, smells and language of China. Since she is 3, she is going to be keenly aware of all these differences. We are expecting our little one to be quite overwhelmed. She will be taking in so much that is new, as well as learning what a family is and what it means to be a part of one. She may struggle with attachment, security and trust for several months (or more). There is good news, though! Children are able to heal from these emotional wounds. They are able to build attachment, but it takes intentionality and time.

The very best way for us to form a parent/child bond is for Josh and I to be the only ones to hold, snuggle, instruct, soothe and feed Becca for the first several months. As this pattern repeats, she will learn that we are her parents, and she can trust and love us. I know this is not going to be easy – for us or all of you that will want to hold her and love on her as soon as we get home! We have never parented this way, so it’s going to be a challenge for us to have to tell so many folks ‘no’ when they want to hold her. But, research shows that it’s very important to recreate the newborn/parent connection. Once that parent/child bond has been formed, then we’ll be able to take baby steps toward other relationships. We’ve been advised to make life as boring as possible for the first few months – lots of routine, lots of time in our home, and very limited social activities. Please understand that our decisions are based on what we truly believe is best for Becca’s healing and long-term development, backed up by research and advice from adoption mentors. Also, remember this is temporary! Once we’ve reached some attachment milestones, we will be out and about!

We want all of you to know what to expect when we get home, as well as what would be appropriate/beneficial in terms of your interaction with Becca. Our agency has given us some tips for Do’s & Don’ts for family and friends, and we’d like to share them with you below.

DO’S

• PRAY!! Pray for Becca’s transition, as well as the rest of our family. Pray for a deep attachment. Pray that we will not lose our sanity, as we cocoon! I am an on-the-go sort of mom. I start to go bonkers after two straight days in the house, so this is going to be a BIG challenge for me.
• Encouragement: Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is to give an adoptive family space. You can still express care through cards, a meal, emails, etc. We just won’t be throwing any parties for a while (at least after the airport party)!
• Direct Becca to us. For example, “let’s ask your mom if that’s OK” or “I bet your daddy would like that; why don’t you show him?”
• Care for Sydney and Brody. This is going to be tough for them. They will also be transitioning and will need attention and encouragement. Make them feel special and important.
• Read and educate yourself about attachment parenting and share this with others. Heck, even with us! We’re still learning!

DON’TS

• Physical interaction with Becca: Children coming from orphanage settings can be prone to attach too easily with anyone and everyone. This hinders the important child/parent bond from developing. For a while, Josh and I need to be the only ones holding her. We ask that you do not try to take her from us or excessively give hugs and kisses. You may give her quick hugs and kisses, while she remains in our arms. Waving, blowing kisses, high fives are totally appropriate and welcomed! We want Becca to know you are trusted family and friends.
• Meeting her needs: Children from orphanages can become overly charming toward adults as a survival mechanism. We want to avoid this indiscriminate attachment/affection, as it would really set back our family bonding and can have far-reaching affects as she grows older. If Becca needs food, a drink, affection, or comfort, please allow Josh and I to meet those needs. This is necessary for her to begin understanding that we are her parents.
• Gifts: If you want to give a gift to Becca, please ask us first. We’ve been advised to give her all gifts from our hands for the first few months home.
• Comparisons: Please do not compare to biological parenting. Attachment parenting is, in many ways, opposite of traditional parenting. Please trust and respect our choices.
• Assumptions: Don’t assume Becca is “relieved,” “grateful” or “excited” that she’s been adopted. This is a life-altering difficult transition for many of these children.

Our family, friends and community have been such a blessing to us throughout this entire process. We have felt so supported and prayed over. We in NO way want our distance/boundaries to be taken personally or be surprising to any of you. That’s why I wanted to write this blog post. I hope it is helpful to you! Let me know if you have any questions!