Our Hearts' Song

We are so grateful for all the love and prayers over the past month. Becca Fei's recovery from surgery is going well...I'm so glad to finally be able to say that!! Her pain is now minimal, and she's starting to eat and get some sleep (at last!). Now that I'm also getting more sleep, I found the time to finish something I've been working on for a while. I put together a video/slideshow/thing-a-ma-jig of pictures from the last year - our adoption journey through 5 months home. I hope you enjoy this glimpse into what adoption has been to our family -- a blessing, a gift, a miracle. We have discovered the truth that DNA is not required for a child to be your own. LOVE is SO much more than gene protection...take that, Darwin!

Sure, it hasn't been all sunshine and roses, but as Teddy Roosevelt said, "Nothing in the world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty... I have never in my life envied a human being who led an easy life. I have envied a great many people who led difficult lives and led them well." As a family, we don't have the expectation that life, on this side of eternity, will be easy or simple. We expect trials and tribulations at every turn, but we look for the grace of God in it all and strive for His glory - whatever the day may bring. We know - and we hope you know - that JESUS is the reason for any and every good thing in us. We aren't award-winning parents; we aren't wealthy; we aren't [fill in the blank]; we aren't better than you. We are just following Jesus and hoping to reflect His light and love. In the words of Winston Churchill, "We are all worms, but I do believe I am a glow-worm." We hope you enjoy this glimpse into our hearts' song...

                       

                       Becca Fei's Adoption from Karen Wolfe on Vimeo.

Joyfully Outnumbered

Where in the cotton pickin' world did the last 5 months go?!? I cannot believe I have not had/found/made the time to get on here and update you wonderful folks who have prayed and cried and rejoiced with us this last year and half. I have been sporadic, at best, with posting mini updates on Facebook. I definitely plan to blog about our actual trip to China at some point (maybe when all three are in school!!), but first I wanted to give you all an update on being home as a family of five. I am SO sorry for the long silence - but hey, absence makes the heart grow fonder, right? ;) 

I've decided that my only excuse reason for dropping off the face of the cyber-earth has been that we "adults" (I use that term very loosely) are now outnumbered. Two of us versus three little crazies; we are definitely learning and growing as parents. With two of them being 3 years old and one of them coming from a hard place, it's been 5 months of almost constant teaching, tantrums, disciplining, cleaning up accidents and spills, feeding, wiping, nursing sickies...you get the idea. Josh and I are switching from man-to-man to zone defense. We are having very good days and very bad days. But at the end of each day when the crazies are catching zzz's, I have no response but ABSOLUTE PRAISE to our Maker. He has made Becca Fei our daughter, our own -- just as He has made us His own. For some reason, He chose us (totally inadequate and exhausted over here!) to parent these three. To be a vessel for His love to flow through us to our children. Lord knows, that's the only thing we can do - put our hands up and ask Him to fill us, guide us, flip our mistakes on their head and point our children to Jesus.

These 5 months of adjustment have been tough, but they have also been full of little kid giggles x 3, tickle fights x 3, snuggly reading x 3, singing in the car x 3, everything x 3 -- God has multiplied our JOY! There is another little tot who now folds her hands at our dinner table as we say our family prayer; she sleeps in our cozy home and runs to us for boo boo kisses. She is absolutely AMAZING -- she is brave, she is stubborn, she is a fighter. But, she is literally the most loving child I've ever known. She is charming, she is smart as a whip, and she is hilarious. It has been such an incredible experience to watch her open up and begin to blossom. There have been so many "firsts" for Becca Fei in the past 5 months...first airplane ride (looooongest day of my life), her first Thanksgiving, first time in a car seat, first Christmas, first road trip, first pair of glasses, all kinds of first foods, first time in the snow, first wedding, first time swimming, first time at church, first canoe ride...almost every day has brought a new experience for her. 

She is now running, signing, counting, sorting, and exploring!!! She understands most basic English now, but she also remembers her friends from China (particularly her best buddy Micah -- seriously, we may be arranging a marriage). And she's opening up to us, as trust has been built. Just tonight as I was rocking her at bedtime, she signed "mommy, daddy, airplane" then "Becca Fei sad airplane; happy now." SHE IS SUCH A UNDESERVED GIFT to our family. Most days I cannot even process or bear the thought of her not being here in our family or going to bed in the orphanage. PRAISE is my only response. PRAISE TO JESUS...for stirring our hearts toward adoption, for being in every detail, for providing the funds, for walking this road with us. And He remains, because the journey is not over. 

Miss Becca Fei is getting ready to undergo surgery this coming Monday. This surgery will be the first of a series to repair her cleft palate, and she'll be getting tubes in her ears as well. I have confidence in the surgeons and am mostly just ecstatic to give her the gift of speech (and hopefully better hearing)! And, I'm so thankful that from now on, she won't have to go through surgeries and therapy alone. She'll have her Mommy & Daddy right there with her! So, PRAISE HIM with us!! But, we also covet your intercessory prayers, friends...we know this recovery is expected to be miserable. Her mouth is going to be painful and itchy, and she will be in arm restraints for a couple of weeks to allow healing to take place. And, to top it off, she is a finger sucker/biter. So, please pray for our sweet girl; and then pray for me...and send me Coke/coffee/chocolate/donuts. :) Haha. But seriously, we are praying hard (1) that this surgery will not set back our attachment/bonding and Becca's sense of security/trust with us and (2) that God will supply the love and attention Sydney & Brody need during the stretch of time when Becca will require 100% care. She has handled so many "big" things amazingly well - we shall see about this one. Whatever the path ahead, our God is mighty and faithful! This is HIS story, and HIS stories are simply the best! 

Psalm 68:3-6

But let the righteous be glad; let them exult before God;

Yes, let them rejoice with gladness.

Sing to God, sing praises to His name;

Lift up a song for Him who rides through the deserts,

Whose name is the LORD, and exult before Him.

A father of the fatherless and a judge for the widows

Is God in His holy habitation.

God makes a home for the lonely;

He leads out the prisoners into prosperity,

Only the rebellious dwell in a parched land.

Anticipation

In roughly 8 hours, we will meet our daughter Rebecca Fei for the very first time. In some ways, Becca joining our family will not be unlike a child joining one's family through birth.  We have dreamed of holding her for many long months. We have prayed for her. We have wondered at the future plans God has for her precious life. We have prepared our other children to welcome her into our family. We have prepared a room for her in our home. But in other ways, her story is completely different because she is joining our family through adoption.

Her story began with tragedy, as all adoptions do. Becca Fei has not known the love and security of a family for her first 3 1/2 years. There are so many things we don't know about her past and may never know. We don't know why her birth family was unable to care for her and her medical needs. We don't know what desperation they must have felt. We don't know their family traditions or even what they look or looked like. But, we do know that she was found, and we are so thankful that her little life was preserved. We know that God has a plan and purpose for her life, and He has chosen us to play a part in her story. It will be her story to tell, but we hope and pray that she will see God's hand on her life; that she will see His good plans and purposes for her; that she will see the love, healing and beauty that only our God can bring from brokenness. HE is the only hero here. 

Josh and I marveled again on the plane ride over at how much you can fall in love with and yearn for someone you've not yet met. Oh how we've missed her since we first saw her face!! We know the road ahead may be long and bumpy. She will grieve. She may fight. She will struggle. And, we will not be perfect parents, but we will choose to love her. We will come to Jesus each day in our brokenness and ask Him to make us whole. We will look to Him as the ONLY one who can rescue, the ONLY one who can love perfectly. We will draw from His well for strength, compassion and love. Because, we simply cannot do this parenting thing (or anything else good or worthy) on our own.

I woke up this morning at 5AM China time, and there's no way I'm getting back to sleep! I had brought a book with me called Praying the Scriptures for Your Children, and began reading it, along with Isaiah 40. I am praying the following verses for Becca Fei, and I would love it if you would do the same.

(10) Behold, the Lord God comes with might, and His arm rules for Him; behold, His reward is with Him and His recompense before Him. (11) He will tend His flock like a shepherd; He will gather the lambs in His arms; He will carry them in His bosom, and gently lead those that are with young. (12) Who has measured the waters in the hollow of His hand and marked off the heavens with a span, enclosed the dust of the earth in a measure and weighed the mountains in scales and the hills in a balance?...(26) Lift up your eyes on high and see: who created these? He who brings out their host by number, calling them all by name, by the greatness of His might and because He is strong in power not one is missing. (27) Why do you say, O Jacob, and speak, O Israel: "My way is hidden from the Lord, and my right is disregarded by my God"? (28) Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; His understanding is unsearchable. (29) He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might He increases strength. (30) Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; (31) but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.

Lord, You promise to tend Your flock like a shepherd. Gather Becca Fei like a lamb in Your arms and carry her close to Your heart. And, just as You promise to gently lead those that have young, teach us, as parents, how to love and guide and care for Becca Fei.

Travel Approval!!!

Your steadfast love, O Lord, extends to the heavens,

Your faithfulness to the clouds.

Your righteousness is like the mountains of God;

Your judgments are like the great deep;

man and beast You save, O Lord.

How precious is Your steadfast love, O God!

The children of mankind take refuge in the shadow of Your wings.

They feast on the abundance of Your house,

and You give them drink from the river of Your delights.

For with you is the fountain of life; in Your light do we see light.

Oh, continue Your steadfast love to those who know You,

and Your righteousness to the upright of heart!

-Psalm 36:5-10 ESV

We are heading to China!!! We got our Travel Approval on Tuesday, and we got a confirmed Consulate Appointment at 1AM this morning (b/c the amazing staff at our agency does not sleep)!! Lord-willing, on 11/11, we will hold our Becca Fei for the very first time! We will finally get to hear her voice and study her little hands and feet. We will be able to try to comfort her as she grieves all that is changing. We will start to teach her about our great God and who we are as a family. Her family. And the world will have one less orphan. Praise Jesus!

Last weekend, our sweet sisters from church threw Becca Fei the most beautiful "toddler" shower I've ever seen. These ladies down here in the South sure know how to plan a party!! The ladies of our church truly value and praise Jesus for every human life, and they throw a celebration for every single child that joins our church family through birth or adoption. One tradition our church ladies have at the end of every shower is to surround the mother and spend some serious time in prayer. The prayers that were sent up to God that day - on behalf of our family - brought me to tears. Overflowing, grateful tears. We are so thankful to God for the church family and community He has brought us to!

After abundant blessings from our church family and friends, 

we now have Becca Fei's room all ready!

I've only been awake for two hours, but my cheeks are already feeling the burn
from the perma-smile plastered onto my face!!!
Hence, the overuse of exclamation points!!!!! Get used to it, folks!!

God is SO faithful!!! 

What To Expect

The latest on the adoption front: our Article 5 wait has been delayed one week because of a Chinese national holiday, so we are expecting our wait for Travel Approval (Step 13 below!) to begin on Tuesday or Wednesday of next week! We’ll keep you posted on that.

I am trying to heed the advice of our agency and treasure this next month or so. For, it is a gift. It truly is. Each and every day. Things are about to drastically change in this family of ours, and I want to enjoy every last moment as a family of four. I want to pour into Sydney and Brody until their cups overflow. I want to enjoy date night and six hours of uninterrupted sleep with the hubster. It’s most likely going to be a while before we return to a state of normalcy ‘round these parts. Let me explain.

In earlier posts, I’ve alluded to the fact that we’ll be working on bonding/attachment. Through the training and reading we’ve done, we have learned SO many fascinating things about how God has designed babies! Attachment between a parent and child occurs over time when a baby has a need, communicates that need and then has it met by a consistent caretaker (usually Momma Bear). As Momma repeatedly soothes the child and meets his/her needs, safety and trust are developed. This security forms an emotional foundation for learning, development, growth and future relationships. These children have a foundation for trust and empathy towards others.

Children who come home through adoption have a little different journey. They have already experienced the loss of a biological parent(s), whether through death or other means. They are coming from a very traumatic place. In addition, our Becca will be losing her caretakers from her current orphanage, along with the familiar sights, smells and language of China. Since she is 3, she is going to be keenly aware of all these differences. We are expecting our little one to be quite overwhelmed. She will be taking in so much that is new, as well as learning what a family is and what it means to be a part of one. She may struggle with attachment, security and trust for several months (or more). There is good news, though! Children are able to heal from these emotional wounds. They are able to build attachment, but it takes intentionality and time.

The very best way for us to form a parent/child bond is for Josh and I to be the only ones to hold, snuggle, instruct, soothe and feed Becca for the first several months. As this pattern repeats, she will learn that we are her parents, and she can trust and love us. I know this is not going to be easy – for us or all of you that will want to hold her and love on her as soon as we get home! We have never parented this way, so it’s going to be a challenge for us to have to tell so many folks ‘no’ when they want to hold her. But, research shows that it’s very important to recreate the newborn/parent connection. Once that parent/child bond has been formed, then we’ll be able to take baby steps toward other relationships. We’ve been advised to make life as boring as possible for the first few months – lots of routine, lots of time in our home, and very limited social activities. Please understand that our decisions are based on what we truly believe is best for Becca’s healing and long-term development, backed up by research and advice from adoption mentors. Also, remember this is temporary! Once we’ve reached some attachment milestones, we will be out and about!

We want all of you to know what to expect when we get home, as well as what would be appropriate/beneficial in terms of your interaction with Becca. Our agency has given us some tips for Do’s & Don’ts for family and friends, and we’d like to share them with you below.

DO’S

• PRAY!! Pray for Becca’s transition, as well as the rest of our family. Pray for a deep attachment. Pray that we will not lose our sanity, as we cocoon! I am an on-the-go sort of mom. I start to go bonkers after two straight days in the house, so this is going to be a BIG challenge for me.
• Encouragement: Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is to give an adoptive family space. You can still express care through cards, a meal, emails, etc. We just won’t be throwing any parties for a while (at least after the airport party)!
• Direct Becca to us. For example, “let’s ask your mom if that’s OK” or “I bet your daddy would like that; why don’t you show him?”
• Care for Sydney and Brody. This is going to be tough for them. They will also be transitioning and will need attention and encouragement. Make them feel special and important.
• Read and educate yourself about attachment parenting and share this with others. Heck, even with us! We’re still learning!

DON’TS

• Physical interaction with Becca: Children coming from orphanage settings can be prone to attach too easily with anyone and everyone. This hinders the important child/parent bond from developing. For a while, Josh and I need to be the only ones holding her. We ask that you do not try to take her from us or excessively give hugs and kisses. You may give her quick hugs and kisses, while she remains in our arms. Waving, blowing kisses, high fives are totally appropriate and welcomed! We want Becca to know you are trusted family and friends.
• Meeting her needs: Children from orphanages can become overly charming toward adults as a survival mechanism. We want to avoid this indiscriminate attachment/affection, as it would really set back our family bonding and can have far-reaching affects as she grows older. If Becca needs food, a drink, affection, or comfort, please allow Josh and I to meet those needs. This is necessary for her to begin understanding that we are her parents.
• Gifts: If you want to give a gift to Becca, please ask us first. We’ve been advised to give her all gifts from our hands for the first few months home.
• Comparisons: Please do not compare to biological parenting. Attachment parenting is, in many ways, opposite of traditional parenting. Please trust and respect our choices.
• Assumptions: Don’t assume Becca is “relieved,” “grateful” or “excited” that she’s been adopted. This is a life-altering difficult transition for many of these children.

Our family, friends and community have been such a blessing to us throughout this entire process. We have felt so supported and prayed over. We in NO way want our distance/boundaries to be taken personally or be surprising to any of you. That’s why I wanted to write this blog post. I hope it is helpful to you! Let me know if you have any questions!

Becca's Final Update

Everything is moving along!! Tomorrow, we expect our Article 5 to be dropped off in China, and we'll wait exactly two weeks for that process. Then we'll begin our wait for Travel Approval (TA) from the CCCWA. That should only take a few weeks, and then we'll get our Consulate Appointment and start booking all our travel!! Josh and I could be traveling in just 6 weeks or so!! We're getting really anxious, obviously, but we are trying to stay busy and enjoy each precious day that we have from the Lord. We know there are significant challenges ahead and probably many sleepless nights in the near future, so we're trying to prepare ourselves (and Sydney and Brody) as much as possible. We were able to get a letter to Becca last month. I hope it made sense to her, and I pray that she is getting lots of chances to get familiar with our faces through the photo album we sent a while back. We expect this to be a really tough transition for her. She is 3 years old, and institutionalized living is all she has ever known. She is not going to understand what a family is and will have absolutely NO idea what we are saying in English. We expect she will experience a grieving period, as she leaves the people who have cared for her this past year and the kids she has lived with for so long. We don't expect her to understand that life is about to change for the better, as she enters a forever family. As far as she knows, we are going to be two strangers who don't look like her and don't speak her language. So, please pray with us for Becca and our family as we enter a time of VERY intentional bonding and attachment. I have no doubt that God is going to do great things, because that is what our great God does! In Sydney's own words from tonight, "Something bad happens, and then BOOM! God just turns in right around." Beauty from ashes. I am so excited to see God transform the life and story of our precious Becca Fei, and we are just so thrilled to be first-hand witnesses! 

This afternoon we were SO excited to receive our final update from Becca's orphanage (final, what a beautiful word)!! This included her measurements so we have an idea of what size clothes and shoes to bring for her, as well as a couple of new pictures!! 

Is she not the most precious girl you've ever seen?!? Granted, I may be a little biased, but seriously...she is TOO CUTE! This is the first picture we've ever seen of her in a dress. ;) So sweet, even though I am really not a dress kinda girl. Be on the look out for more exciting news in the coming weeks!! Thanks for all the prayers and encouragement!!! We love you all!! 

Wonderful Deeds

"I will give thanks to the Lord with my whole heart;

I will recount all Your wonderful deeds.

I will be glad and exalt in You;

I will sing praises to Your name, O Most High."

Psalm 9:1

God is SO good. All the time. On our mountain tops and down in our deepest valleys. He is present, He is sovereign and He is purposeful. In joyful news of progress and in the long waiting, He has been with us and has done wonderful deeds. Our family has SO much to recount and praise Him for. As we wait on our I-800 approval and move closer to traveling, I am taking some time to reflect on this past year and what He has done. 

1. HIS PROVISION. God has stretched us in this area, but He has been faithful to provide our needs every step of the way. At one point last year, we had a payment coming up and did not have the funds. We literally had $12 in our checking account and our "Adoption Fund" savings account did not have enough to cover the payment that was due in a couple of weeks. I was beginning to worry, when we got a "surprise" check for an overpayment that we made when we closed on our house almost a year prior. Why do I worry, when I know that His eye is on the sparrow?? The check gave us enough funds to make that next payment! We dug our heels in and worked hard at fundraising, and God has rewarded us greatly. We are now almost fully funded for this adoption!!! Praise the Lord! For those curious, here's the breakdown of how God has provided the necessary funds:

Grants (incl. matching)  $8,000 Our personal funds  9,000 Wolfe Benefit Night  3,200 Paypal/cash donations  2,600 Garage/book sales  2,280 Sponsor-a-Block Quilt  900 RB jewelry  690 Other  450 Total raised  $27,120

2. GENEROSITY OF OTHERS. Fundraising...ugh...I DREADED the thought of it. But God turned our financial weakness into a glorious display of the generosity He has called His church to. Our community of friends and family - both those out of town and our local church family - GAVE. You gave generously and consistently. Once you knew of our need, you stepped in and cheerfully met it. Adoption is costly, but as the church grows to understand the corporate and individual call to care for orphans worldwide and then gives financially toward that mission...more families will be able to fulfill this call God has placed on their lives. Our largest fundraiser (and the most fun) was a Benefit Dinner, Silent Auction and Scavenger Hunt back in June. It recently dawned on me that I never blogged about our benefit!! Oops. I only posted about it on Facebook. There were SO many people that played an important role in making that fundraiser a success; the total amount raised was over $3,000!! Some extremely gracious, hard-working, talented folks from our church stepped up and put together the night for us - Karen Allen (catering), Mary Schneider (silent auction), Erin Richardson (scavenger hunt), Dave & Cathy Ocasek (venues) and Jeremy & Allie Brannon (childcare). Then there were all the folks who came, setup, donated goods, bid, watched kids, cleaned up, etc. Here is a link to the album of pictures from the night - SO MUCH FUN!! 

3. HIS CHOICE. When Josh and I first began looking at the Waiting Children lists, it was tough. I felt like I could be drawn to any number of these precious children, and we did not know what to expect. Would we "just know" when we saw her face? There were a few children that Josh and I requested more information on, and we took time to look through their files and pray for God's direction and choice. We received some great advice from our Lifeline Adoption Buddy and our Social Worker about the process. One morning, Josh called me from work and said "Yep, this is her. Let's move forward and see if God confirms or puts up a roadblock." We were not yet "logged in" with China, but in order to be matched with her, we had to be. Becca's file was set to go back to the Shared List before we would be logged in, and she would likely have been matched with another family at that point. Our agency requested an extension for us, and we received it just in time! I am talking literally days. We have fallen head over heals in love with this precious little girl that we now call Becca Fei!!

4. COMMUNITY. Thinking of our local church just brings me to tears. We LOVE our church family. They have been behind us 110% since we started this adoption journey. Our neighbors, our family, our friends, our agency, all the adoption folks we've met on the web....oh my goodness. God has shown up time and time again in this web of people we call our community! It seems like I can't leave the house anymore without God bringing someone into my path that is somehow tied to adoption!! It has been SO encouraging and uplifting. Just this week, I have connected with two moms who have little ones also waiting at Becca's orphanage!! The one mom and I even have pictures of our kids sitting right next to each other eating cake at Becca's birthday party that we threw! It's been so neat to see God connect so many dots in this process. Makes me smile ear to ear. 

5. HIS CARE. It is hard to live each day knowing that your child is not with you, but is instead living in institutionalized care half a world a way. To know that she needs medical care she isn't able to get and you can't yet provide it to her. But, God has given us peace in a variety of ways. First, we know that our little girl is first a child of God. He knows her needs and her hurts. He knows her heart. And He loves her more than is humanly possible. We have a peace that God is working to prepare her to join our family during this wait. He has a purpose and a plan, and He is for her. Second, we are blessed to know that Becca is in one of the nicest orphanages in the world! This is the second orphanage she has lived in, but we've seen pictures of the daytime facilities at this orphanage, which look similar to a daycare you would see in the U.S. That is a comfort to this Momma's heart. Lastly, she has already received some tangible care. Some of you have asked about Becca's special needs. She was born with cleft lip and palate, and also has some vision care needs. Her cleft lip was repaired when she was 18 months old through the Tomorrow Plan, but she will still need several surgeries when she gets home. But, we have learned that Atlanta has one of the most experienced craniofacial teams in the U.S.!! Oh, how wondrous God's care is!! And so many times, God's care comes through our obedience. So cool. As some of you know, our two bio kids require glasses, and Brody's eye doc happens to be Chinese. I cannot wait to take Miss Becca to see him!!! We will also have bonding, language and development to work on when she arrives home, and I LOVE that stuff. Bonding will be our first priority - more to come on that. I can't wait to get started!! ;) Our expectation is that Becca does not know a word of English, will definitely need speech therapy and is likely at about 18 months developmentally, due to being in institutionalized care for most of her life. Much to do, and I am so looking forward to seeing God work in all these areas.

God is SO good. I realize this is getting long, so let me cut to the chase for today...Praise Jesus with us! These next couple months before we travel, there are A LOT of things to take care of...I-800 approval, Article 5, Travel Approval, Consulate Appointment, travel vaccinations, travel planning and booking, wiring funds, getting Becca's room ready, etc. I have a feeling there are LOTS of all-nighters to come. Please continue in prayer for Becca and for our family, praising God for His goodness to us and praying for continued energy, heart preparations, protection, His perfect timing and a smooth process! We are so thankful to be surrounded with so much love and support!! As always, I am overflowing with gratitude.