The Great Unknown

Last time I posted I mentioned that I would go into more detail about our medical consults for Crosby, but first I'd like to just say that Josh and I incredibly grateful that a resource such as the International Adoption Clinic (IAC) even exists. We first visited the Birmingham location when getting home with Becca, and we were able to get all of her records translated for our regular pediatrician. That way she didn't have to re-do any immunizations, and we had a clear picture of what medical procedures she had already received in China. The IAC was also able to provide a baseline measurement for all her areas of development, not to mention get her on the road to healing from some nasty parasites she had from contaminated water. We didn't do a medical consult with Becca's file before we traveled, because her documented needs were so straight-forward. Crosby's file was a different story altogether.

As I mentioned in my last post, Crosby's file had a host of hard-to-pronounce medical jargon. It also contained miniature photos of CT scans and tests and diagnoses with which we were totally unfamiliar. When we started this adoption journey, cleft was on our radar, surgeries were on our radar, therapies and interventions were on our radar. But, brain injury was just not on our radar. 

Crosby's documented medical needs included premature birth, an eyelid disorder and hydrocephalus. Hydrocephalus is a really common medical need in waiting children, and, as you may have guessed, it basically means "excess fluid in the brain cavity." Typically, this involves surgery to place a shunt which drains the fluid, and many times multiple follow up surgeries, because shunts often fail. This we understood, but there were so many other things in his file that just didn't add up. After looking at his miniature CT scan pictures with a radiologist, the doctor we spoke with said they don't think this is what they're seeing. It's not out of the question, but their best guess is that we're not looking at hydrocephalus. 

Crosby was born prematurely and weighed less than 4 pounds at birth. He was taken to the NICU as soon as he was found and stayed there for a month and a half, but we don't know how long he was without medical intervention. Of all the terms in his file, the doctor felt this one diagnosis was what we needed to most prepare ourselves for: hypoxic ischemic encephalopathy (HIE). Infant HIE is a type of brain injury that occurs at birth and results from a reduced flow of oxygen to the brain and blood to the vital organs. It occurs in roughly 60% of premature births. In a US hospital, premies get oxygen immediately after birth, but Crosby wasn't born in a hospital and did not receive immediate care. The doctor believes what they see on the CT scan is a reduced size brain in the areas that sustained damage from HIE, not excess fluid. Of course, when he gets home, he will need an MRI so we can get a clearer picture. There is a wide range of severity and effects from HIE, and since Crosby is so young, we are basically entering the great unknown here. We were told to expect at a minimum that he will likely have significant learning disabilities and ADHD, as these are incredibly common in kids with any kind of brain injury. At the other end of the spectrum, we've had to prepare ourselves for the fact that our little guy may hit a wall in his development, and he might be very young when that happens. But, we have chosen not to dwell there, because we serve the God of the Bible...a God of miracles...a God who loves and cares and heals. We are at peace with the "worst-case scenario," but we are full of hope that God is going to work miracles in Crosby's heart and life. We are hopeful that he is going to break every limit put on his diagnosis. I'm claiming it, y'all. This little guy, our son...he's going to be an overcomer. I am already praying John 9:3 over him, "that the works of God might be displayed in him." I cannot wait to see what Crosby can do and how God is going to use him. What a gift we have been given!!! We are going to get front row seats to see God's glory, His hand at work in the life of our son. A-to-the-men; let it be so. 

As we enter this great unknown, instead of dwelling on what could be and all the hardest possibilities, we are fixing our eyes on Christ and on what we do know. Pray that the Lord would keep us in that place, a place of truth, strength and hope. Crosby's name means "dwells at the shrine of the cross," and that's where we be sittin'. We are planting ourselves 'round His pierced feet at the cross and looking to the empty grave with hope, and we pray that our children would always be near to King Jesus. Truly, I would find no greater joy (3 John 1:4).

Our little buddy's physical development shows growth that we find shocking for a child living in institutionalized care, but his brain size is just not keeping up with the rest of his body. Pray with us for healing and brain rewiring beyond what is medically possible, because we know the Creator of the brain. We also know that the sooner we get our little guy home, the better!! The sooner kids with brain injury receive intervention and the love and care of a family, the greater the chance there is for rewiring to take place. The brain is an absolutely AMAZING creation, and I am learning all I can about it. If you have resources you'd recommend, please pass them along to us. This is all new for us, and we're seeking the wisdom God has given others in this area. Please continue praying for a speedy adoption process, so we can start loving on Crosby in our home!!!

"Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through Him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." - Romans 5:1-5 ESV

At His feet,

k.

The Road to Crosby

I told a friend this weekend that I am finding myself to be much more patient this time around. I've come to understand that no amount of worrying or repeatedly refreshing my email is going to speed up this adoption process. This newfound patience is most definitely the work of God. I am not a patient person by nature -- I was born two weeks early and have been rushing through life ever since, always trying to do things quicker and earlier at every turn. But, the Lord is changing me by His grace; He's showing me the value in waiting and living patiently. And, it is so so good to rest at His feet and to live in today.

In the waiting to meet Crosby, I have found myself reflecting daily on the sovereign hand of God. I look back at Becca's adoption, and I am just amazed at how the details and timing of every decision made, every stack of paperwork completed, led us to her specifically, our daughter. Every adoption begins with tragedy, but we know without a doubt that Becca coming to join our family was part of God's redeeming plan for her life and ours. She is first a child of God, but she is also a Wolfe; she is ours, and we are hers. God has done this too. He has knitted our hearts together through the hard work of attachment. There are challenges no matter how your family grows, true; but adoption is not an easy road. It may look easy from the highlight reel of social media, but there are hard, hard days leading up to each and every celebration. We wouldn't trade this trek for the world. Adoption has changed us. It has opened our eyes to the world of hurting children coming from hard places. It has expanded our view of and hearts for children with disabilities and birth defects, and we have seen glimpses of Jesus every step of the way. We are so excited to watch Him work again as little Crosby joins our pack!

I try to be sensitive about what I share of my children's stories because their stories belong to them, but I do want to share a bit about our road to Crosby so you might see the hand of God as we have. We started our home study with the intention of adopting a waiting child, a boy aged 0-7 years old. Both of us were thinking he would likely be at least 4, since we know there is such a great need to adopt older children particularly boys. We started the process open to a wide variety and severity of needs, but in the back of my head, I thought we would be going down the cleft road again. After all, we already have a team of doctors at CHOA, and we kind of know what we're doing from experience. But, that was not God's plan.

As we started our home study, we took a look at our agency's list of waiting children in China. That's when I saw his sweet little smiling face, and I was immediately smitten. I was thinking, "Aww, but he looks so young. We are probably too old to start over with a baby, and I'm sure he's already on hold with another family anyhow." I looked down at his English advocacy name, and my chin hit the ground. It was "Norman." Norman is my grandfather's name, and Josh and I had always talked about naming a child after him. Here was little "Norman"... almost a decade after those discussions about my grandfather's name. Coincidence? I think not. This was the hand of God. So, we emailed our social worker to check and see if we could view his file. Sure enough, his file was already being viewed by another family. However, due to a change in adoption guidance that had just come out from the US Department of State, families are no longer able to submit a Letter of Intent for a specific child in China until they have an approved home study. Turns out we were much closer to finishing our home study, and our agency did not have Norman's file much longer before it would go back to the shared list. I was sitting in Chick-fil-A awaiting my turn for our next home study interview when I got the call from our social worker. She explained the situation and said that if we would like to put Norman's file on hold, we now could! Coincidence? I think not. This was the hand of God. So, we said YES! and we started the process to get a review of his medical files from the International Adoption Clinic (IAC) in Birmingham, who might be able to help us understand some of the crazy words in his file and talk us through what some of his needs might require. 

Based on what we saw in his file on our own, I'll be honest...it was a bit scary, especially when I started googling all of the unfamiliar words. Josh and I had to get real honest with ourselves and have hard conversations about what we could and could not say "yes" to, given that we have three other children, our financial situation, and the distance we live from Atlanta. After much prayer and discussion, we were both 100% ALL IN after our medical consults [more on that in my next post]. We finished our home study as quickly as possible and completed it just days before Norman's file would have gone back to the shared list. Coincidence? I think not. This was the hand of God. God is SO good, and His timing is perfectly sovereign! Experiencing the way He goes before us and knowing His presence is with us continues to grow our faith and allows us to patiently rest in the long, hard wait. 

"You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You. 

Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting rock." 

- Isaiah 26:3-4 ESV -

Soli Deo Gloria,

k.

Plugging Along

I know it's been almost a month since I've posted an update, but we're still plugging along! In the past month, we've gotten our dossier documents together and sent them off for translation and authentication, waited for and went to Atlanta to get our biometric fingerprinting for Homeland Security, have been applying for adoption grants, and trying to learn more about Crosby's special needs and how we can best meet those, along with general end-of-the-school-year busyness! Josh also started a new job last week, and we've still been working on building out the kids closets here at the house. (We did all the finishing on our house after drywall to save money, so we're still finishing all kinds of projects around here.) Super news: we received our approval notice from USCIS yesterday, so our immigration documents are being sent off today for county/state authentication! That came faster than we were expecting, so it was definitely an answer to prayer. We are hoping and praying that we will be able to travel and bring Crosby home in November or December, and right now that is looking very promising! Sooner would be AMAZING! 

Please be praying that we would receive some matching grant funds! Matching grants would give our friends and family the opportunity to give tax-deductible donations towards our adoption costs that will then be matched be a not-for-profit organization. If you aren't familiar with the adoption process, you may not know how incredibly expensive it is. We expect our total costs to be about $36,000, but we expect to get some of that back through the adoption tax credit ($13,840). Of course, we still have to pay those additional funds up front and then we'll get them back in future years against our tax liability. Adoption costs include agency service fees, orphan care fees, administrative fees for all the agencies involved, liaison fees, translation fees, fingerprinting, training, couriers, visas, attorney fees and travel costs. Most people are really surprised that when you break down all the fees...the official adoption costs paid to China are just a small part of the cost. We are not a family that makes six figures, so that number is HUGE for us. Fortunately, we serve a BIG GOD! He has always, always, always provided for us, and we know He will be faithful to do it again. Whenever we have laid what we have at His feet for His purposes (our loaves and fishes), He has multiplied them. We work really hard to live within our means, save money and be good stewards, because we recognize that all we have is a gift from God. We buy second hand clothing and forego the toys, so we can cover our crazy medical bills (which are about to get even higher) and still give sacrificially. We are incredibly grateful for all that we have, and we know we have more than most. I don't say these things to toot our horn; I just want you all to know that we don't take your financial gifts lightly. We know that you all work just as hard as we do, and we promise that anything you end up giving will go directly towards our adoption costs. We will keep you posted on any grant opportunities! We expect to hear more in the next month or so.

Until then....thank you for your continued prayers!

And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work. - 2 Corinthians 9:8