One month later...

One month. 30 days. Somehow that's all the time that has passed since we first met Crosby Jin Wolfe. And yet, it feels like a year. I don't know how we managed without him. His infectious laugh, his curious eyes, his goofy play, his flexible nature, his obsession with cats and the outdoors, his happy attitude, his love for others...we are absolutely enamored with this kid. Every single one of us. What an absolute privilege we've been given to love, nurture and raise this sweet boy of ours.  

"Gotcha Day", one month ago

Together for Thanksgiving!

I haven't had the time to blog about our "Gotcha Day" or China yet, because....well, I have a very busy toddler now, and when he is sleeping, I'm either grading Sydney's homeschool papers, wrapping Christmas gifts, cuddling with the hubs, or trying to get housework done. But, I really wanted to post a quick update this morning, especially for those of you that aren't on Facebook. I've been posting pics and snippets on there, because it's quick and easy. Overall, things are going REALLY well! Eating new things, communicating, sleeping (thank you, Jesus!), sibling relationships, adjusting to family life and his new home are all going wonderfully! He is making amazing progress each day. 

Of course, not everything is fun. Adoption is certainly not for the faint of heart. Doctor's appointments are hard...particularly bloodwork. Crosby turns into He-man, and it took 5 nurses at the International Adoption Clinic in Birmingham just to hold him down for half of the viles we needed. Stool samples are also not fun, but totally necessary. Then, there's the kitchen. If he sees food or dishes, he must eat...and we have an open kitchen.  He's not used to seeing his food until it's time to eat. This obviously complicates all things in the kitchen, as well as shopping in any stores that have food. Kroger's ClickList is my best friend (other than Josh) right now. So are those freezer meals I made ahead with my Mom and sister Patti. 

Crosby and I are still mostly huddled up at home working on attachment. We are seeing some progress, but it's slow going. He is still showing signs of indiscriminate attachment; you've never seen a kid so friendly with the UPS guy. His charming personality made him the favorite in his orphanage, so we knew this would probably be an issue. He still calls every female "MaMa," because that is what he called all his nannies. We're trying to use "Mommy" for me, in hopes that he will distinguish the two...but he hasn't said it yet. He will point to me though, when Josh asks, "Where is Mommy?" He also knows that Josh is "DaDa" and only calls him that, so that is a great step forward! Please be praying that Crosby will continue to attach to Josh and I as his parents. We're doing everything we can, but we know this is heart work. It takes intentionality, time and God's miraculous work. We are confident in, grateful for, and clinging to the multitude of His promises in Scripture to care for children, particularly those without families...He defends, He sustains, He sets them in families, He lifts them up, He rescues, He loves. This is HIS work. We just get to work alongside Him and watch His promises come to life. What an honor! 

Trusting in His great faithfulness,

k.

"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness." - Lamentations 3:22-23 ESV

Attachment & Bonding

When we were preparing to bring Becca home five years ago, I wrote a blog post entitled "What to Expect" in which I laid out expectations for our "cocooning" period with Becca. I wanted to write about this again before we bring Crosby home, because now more than ever we understand the importance of this in a child's transition to their forever home.

Secure attachment is absolutely foundational to children in all areas of their development - learning, social, emotional, physical growth, etc. When a baby is raised in a traditional setting with the same loving caregiver meeting his needs thousands of times a day, he develops a foundation of trust and secure attachment to his caregiver. It takes time and lots of repetition for children joining a family through adoption to attach and bond to their new family members and vice versa. I've already written a little bit about how Crosby will also likely go through a grieving period. It may be while we are in China, or it may be once we get home. Every child is different and depending on personality and the amount of trauma a child has experienced, it can take months or years for a child to experience emotional healing, learn what it means to be part of a family and attach to his forever family. We want to make sure our friends and family understand this process, because it takes lots of intentional time.

We know how excited you all are to meet him, and we promise we won't be hermits forever. However, just as we did with Becca, we plan to make life as boring and repetitive as possible for Crosby's first several months home and significantly limit our social interactions. The very best way that Josh and I can work on bonding and attachment is for the two of us to be the only ones to hold him and meet his needs (feeding, soothing, cuddling, diapering, instructing, etc.). So, expect to see us wearing him in a carrier or holding him a lot, because we need to be the only ones to hold him until he securely attaches to us. There's a very real thing called indiscriminate attachment, and we've seen signs of it firsthand. It might seem cute to someone on the outside..."Oh look, he's just so friendly. He'll go to anybody! What a loving little boy." However, it's actually not a good sign for building attachment to his new parents. This child might be learning to flash a cute smile and get what he wants from whoever is close by and has what he wants. We want to do whatever we can to prevent or correct this kind of behavior. I know this won't be easy for everyone who has been praying and looking forward to his arrival (including his big sisters and brother), but we absolutely KNOW this is what he needs. So, here are some guidelines (some Do's & Don'ts) for what we are asking of our friends and family, in terms of interaction around Crosby, particularly during his first several months home:

Do's:

• Pray for our transition time and a deep, loving attachment to be formed.
• Always direct Crosby to one of us if he approaches you. ("Let's ask your Mom if that's OK?" or "I bet your Dad would really like to see that. Why don't we go show him?")
• Pay special attention to our other children. We have tried our best to prepare Sydney, Brody and Becca for the transition, but it is still going to be a challenge for them. They know Crosby is going to require a lot of attention at first, but that doesn't mean they won't feel sad or left out some of the time. We're going to work hard to spend one-on-one time with them, but it will mean a lot to have others "filling their buckets" as well. When Becca first came home, everywhere we went people would ooh and aah over her. Meanwhile, our older two stood by barely being acknowledged, especially by strangers in places like the grocery store. They never complained, but I could see the hurt in their eyes. 
• Encouragement - we need to limit the amount of interaction Crosby has with new people, but that doesn't mean we want to disappear completely ourselves. If you have time to send us a text, email or card with some encouraging Scripture, that can make all the difference on a hard day. 
• Educate yourself and others on attachment and bonding and orphan care in general. There are so many ways that God can use you to care for children from hard places. Maybe you can't adopt yourself, but that doesn't mean you can't advocate for these amazing children and encourage other families that do. If you want to learn more about connecting and attaching with children from hard places, I would definitely recommend reading The Connected Child by Dr. Karyn Purvis. It was required reading for our first home study, but I've read it several times since then just to refresh my brain! Dr. Purvis was such a wonderful gift to the adoption and foster care community, and the work and resources which she has left behind are invaluable. 
• Welcome us home. I've had a few people ask about coming to the airport, and you are absolutely welcome to come and celebrate his homecoming with us. Let me know if you'd like to, and I will get our flight information to you. Just understand that we will have flown halfway around the world with a two year old, been through customs in Atlanta and will probably be exhausted! We will still be absolutely thrilled to see you if you want to be there...and then after that, we'll be all huddled up at home for a while.

Don'ts:

• Overdo physical interaction with Crosby. As I said before, Josh and I need to be the only ones holding him for a while. Please do not try to take him from our arms or pick him up. Also, please don't give excessive hugs and affection to him. Instead, wave, give high fives and blow kisses. These are appropriate and welcomed behaviors.
• Meet his needs. If you think he needs food, a drink, comfort or affection, please direct him to us only. Charming behavior and indiscriminate attachment can really set us back in our attachment and bonding, and it can have far-reaching negative consequences for children. 
• Give him gifts or treats directly.  If you want to give him a gift or a treat, please give it to us instead. We aren't trying to take credit for your generosity, but it's really important that any gifts are given from our hands for the first few months. 
• Make assumptions. Please don't assume that Crosby is going to initially feel relieved or grateful to become part of our family. This is a life-altering difficult transition for most kids. Also, understand that some of our parenting may look odd or like we are treating him like an infant, but it is purposeful. We are trying to give him those infant-parent experiences that he missed out on, which are so important for bonding. 
• Speak without a filter around him. Any foster or adoptive parent you talk to probably has lots of stories about the crazy, inappropriate things people have asked or said in front of their children. I promise, we are not easily offended, and we see it as part of our job to educate people about adoption. We welcome questions. However, be mindful of what you say in front of our children and how your questions/comments might be received by their little ears and hearts. 

We do not want these boundaries or the distance we keep for a while to come as a surprise to the people we love, so we hope this blog serves to help you understand the attachment process a little bit. We are so thankful for our wonderful, supportive community of friends and family! We hope you understand the reason for these boundaries. Please don't hesitate to ask us if you have any questions at all! Now, for some more cuteness...

With hope and love,

k.

"Now in all these things, we are conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." - Romans 8:37-39 ESV

T Minus 13 days!

Our Travel Approval came on Tuesday morning this week, so we've been scrambling to book flights and make arrangements this week. Our "gotcha day" has been scheduled for November 5th, so that is the day we will finally be holding (or chasing) our sweet boy! Josh, Sydney and I will be getting on a plane headed for Beijing in just 13 days! (We just have a zillion things to do before then, but no big deal.) The timing is just SO perfect; it's almost like Someone orchestrated it all. 🤔🤔🤔 When we get back home, Brody and Becca will have a week off for Thanksgiving break, which means no morning rush and lots of time for us all to get to know one another. Thank you, Jesus!

We're so grateful that everyone is already celebrating with us! I can't imagine having a more supportive and welcoming community of family and friends. We have felt your prayers, been humbled by your generous gifts and been encouraged by your kind words throughout this whole process. As we get ready to travel, I've had so many people ask me if we need anything. What we truly want and need most is for our trip and Crosby's adjustment to be covered in prayer, because we serve a sovereign and good God who brings beauty from ashes and turns our mourning into dancing. Having been through this process before, we know some of what lies ahead. Adoption is beautiful, but it is born out of tragedy because we live in a broken, hurting world. Things are not as they should be, but praise God for His redeeming work. 

Just imagine your almost 2 1/2 year old child being taken from all he knows and being given to people who don't look like him and don't speak his language. It is a terrifying experience for these precious children...to start anew, to fly on big, loud machines in the sky, to eat new foods and not know what's happening. [Just ask me about our flight home with Becca 5 years ago. It still gives me nightmares. Longest day of my life.] Crosby will grieve what he is losing, as he should. He doesn't know what the future holds. He doesn't know this is what's best for him...yet. That takes time...it will take months of cocooning and bonding...for him to feel safe and secure and loved. And, I believe there is a lesson here for us. It reminds me of our own reaction when we find ourselves in less than desirable circumstances, when things are totally beyond our control. I've been there...my life has been turned upside down more than once, and I'm guessing yours has too. What is our raw and honest response in those moments? To throw a big, fat tantrum. Just me? That used to be my M-O. Why? because I couldn't see past the end of my nose. I don't have the foreknowledge that our great God has. I didn't know that what was happening was best for me. Sometimes I still don't understand God's plan. But, after being in relationship with Him for over three decades now, I can finally have peace in the middle of stormy circumstances and rest in His sovereignty because I know Him. I know He is faithful; He has proven it time and time again to me. His ways and His plan are always best, even when things don't make sense in the now. That doesn't stop it from being hard, and that doesn't stop the pain...but He is with us in the hurting. And, honestly, that's all we may be able to do for Crosby during his adjustment. To be with him. To hold him or let him throw his big, fat tantrum and then scoop him up and tell him we love him no matter what. God does this for us, His children, so we do it for ours. We love because He first loved us, and He taught us how.

I have been reading through and meditating on the book of Colossians this month, and it is so rich and overflowing with the things I would ask you to pray on our behalf. Paul and Timothy penned Colossians while Paul was in prison, around A.D. 62. He was writing to the church at Colossae, a fairly young church plant of 7-10 years old. They were facing some deceptive teaching, and Paul longs to shepherd and guide this young body to a more mature faith. I find it so interesting and inspiring that even while imprisoned, Paul's prayers are always full of thanksgiving and are overwhelmingly spoken on behalf of others. It also convicts me, because my prayers usually sound nothing like his. We pray for safety and hope for ease. But not Paul. He understands that God cares more about our character than our comfort. Instead, he prays for and challenges the church to seek deeper things. So, if you would honor us with your prayers, let's follow Paul's example. Yes, we would love to have a smooth, safe trip to China and back home, and I don't think anything is wrong with such a prayer. But, more than that, we want more of God. We want to be changed to be more like Him. So, if you feel compelled to pray for our family over the next few months, I invite you to pray through Colossians with me.

• that we would be filled with the knowledge of God's will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, and that we would walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to Him, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God  (Col. 1:9-10)
• that we would be strengthened according to His glorious might, having endurance and patience with joy (Col. 1:11)
• that we would have humble and thankful hearts, knowing it is God who has created us and qualified us to share in His inheritance (Col 1:12-18)
• that our hope would rest in Him and His salvation, which brings forgiveness, peace and reconciliation with God (Col. 1:19-20)
• that we would continue steadfastly in our faith (Col. 1:21-23)
• that we would rejoice in our sufferings (Col. 1:24)
• that our hearts would be encouraged, being knit together in love (Col. 2:2)
• that we would walk with Christ, being rooted and built up in Him, abounding in thanksgiving (Col 2:6-7)
• that we would set our minds on and seek things of eternal significance (Col 3:1-2)
• that God would give us His love to put on, which binds everything together in perfect harmony (Col 3:14)
• that Christ's peace would rule in our hearts (Col 3:15)
• that all we do and say would be done in His name, with thankfulness (Col 3:17)
• that we would work heartily for the Lord and not men, knowing it is Him we serve (Col 3:23-24)
• that we would walk in wisdom, making the best use of our time (Col 4:8)
• that our speech would always be gracious, so we know how to answer each person (Col 4:6)
• that we would fulfill this wonderful ministry we have received from the Lord (Col. 4:17)

In Christ our all in all,

k.

 "Continue steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving." 

Colossians 4:2 ESV

We received some adorable new pictures with our final update!!! 

I can't stand the cuteness!!!

Article 5

It's been a busy month over here, but I have a couple hours to myself today and wanted to sit down and update y'all on where things are at in our adoption process. Last time I blogged, we had just gotten our LOA. Since then, we sent away for and received our visas, and we also received our Provisional Approval from immigration. Our visa information was then cabled to the US Embassy in China (which was delayed a day due to the typhoon there). Right now, we are in the middle of the "Article 5" process. This is normally a two week process, but it will take us three weeks, because of the National Day Golden Week in China next week. After our Article 5 pickup on October 9th, we will begin waiting for our Travel Approval (TA), at which time we can secure a Consulate Appointment and book our travel arrangements!!! EEK!!! At this point, if things go smoothly, we could be traveling in early November. 

The wait is starting to really draaaaaag the closer we get to travel (kind of like those last couple months of pregnancy), but God has blessed us with so many joyful gifts as we enter this last part of our wait. First, we received some incredible, generous financial gifts in the past month! It has been so fun and miraculous to watch how God has used so many of His people to play a part in bringing Crosby home. Secondly, several people who have been to Crosby's orphanage and met/played with him have gotten in touch with me. We've been blessed with some older pictures and a couple of updates on how he's doing, and it's just given us such a lift on those days when the waiting feels hard and long. We got the crib put together in the boys' room, bought a car seat, and we're starting to pull together things we will need for travel. I've planned a freezer meal day with my mom and sister, so we can have lots of meals ready to heat up when we get back home. This is me... doing what I can to remain sane while I have a child (whom I've never met) that has completely stolen my heart... on the other side of the world.

I'm reminded every time a sibling fight breaks out, every night I can barely keep my eyes open, every time I do our banking, and every time I have to pile everybody into the car for something, that we've already "got our hands full." I think most moms also feel this way, but there a lot of days I feel like a juggler who is just bound to drop a plate. I don't have it all together...none of us do. But it's in those moments of feeling oh-so inadequate that God lifts us up. It's then that we truly see our need for Him. When we're weary, He offers us rest (Matthew 11:28). He gives us peace (John 14:27) in the midst of our chaos. He gives us unconditional love to share with our children and others around us (1 John 4:19). And, He equips us with what we need to follow His will (Hebrews 13:21). Sydney and I are reading through Kisses from Katie right now, and it's been so encouraging. Just this morning before I dropped Syd off for her hybrid classes, we read these words that I could've written myself: "When I thought about Mary, I decided not to strive to be a perfect mother but to simply endeavor to be like she was--completely unprepared but ready to take the child God handed to her....Mary was a mother. I am a mother. As long as God keeps giving me these precious children of His, I will continue to love them to the best of my ability. I will be an inadequate, uncertain, loving-with-everything-I-have, filled-with-more-joy-than-I-deserve mother. God has a way of using inadequate people, and sometimes He calls us to reach a little higher or to stretch a little further, even when we feel we can't do anymore. We simply trust Him. And then, He gives us everything we need to do the 'more' that He is asking of us." 

Simply trusting Him,

k.

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God."

Hebrews 12:1-2 ESV

A giant step forward: LOA!

We received super exciting news yesterday!!! Our agency received our LOA (Letter of Acceptance) from China! This means our dossier made it all the way through the paperwork process in China, and we are officially approved by China to adopt Crosby! This also means that we are about 2-3 months from being able to travel and bring our little guy home. It's looking like November, most likely. YAY!!!! 

Now we are waiting on US immigration for our 800 approval, sending off our visa applications and starting to prepare for travel. For those of you that are visual, we are on Step 9 in the process as detailed below. Lots of waiting ahead, but the LOA was the longest wait...so we can see the light at the end of the tunnel now!

  

Last month we had the opportunity to attend an adoption training conference put on by our wonderful agency, Lifeline. Can't say enough about how much we love our Lifeline family! They are AMAZING! The conference was a real encouragement, full of great reminders, and it was such a blessing to meet other families who are going through the same process (some we may end up traveling with!). I think we were the only family attending that had adopted previously, so it was also a great chance to answer questions that our new friends had. 

Thank you so much to all of our brothers and sisters in Christ who have given to our matching grant so far!! We are so humbled and grateful for that way you reflect Jesus by your generosity! And, we are so blessed that you've jumped in to be a part of Crosby's coming home story. Because of your giving, we only have about $7,500 left to come up with...and we know God will provide! 

"Our soul waits for the Lord; 

He is our help and our shield. 

For our heart is glad in Him, 

because we trust in His holy name. 

Let your steadfast love, O Lord, be upon us, 

even as we hope in You."

Psalm 33:20-22 ESV

In His steadfast love,

k.

Our Birthday Boy!

We have some great news to share! Our dossier has moved out of Translation and into the Review stage. We still have two more stages to go before LOA, but we are thankful for progress. But, the best thing we've received this week has been new pictures and a video of Crosby! Crosby turned 2 recently, and we were able to send a birthday party package for him and his little buddies at the orphanage. I'm seriously melting...

I am so in love with this kid already!! It makes the waiting so hard, not having him home for such a special day. Every holiday is tough; every family outing reminds us that we're not yet complete. And, every night when I tuck Brody in and see the empty bed beneath him, my heart grows impatient. We are trying to make the best use of this time of waiting though, knowing that God goes before us and is at work behind the scenes. Josh and I are finishing up the homeschool room for Sydney, and we're trying to enjoy things we know will be more difficult once we bring our little man home...things like going to the 10PM fireworks in town! It really has been a super fun summer with our older three (especially the days when they are getting along).  It's also been good to walk through this process with Becca, knowing she is processing part of her story with every step. Last night, we watched her birthday party video from China and looked at pictures. She laughed and asked questions. We've been praying especially for Becca during this process, aware that she may not handle the addition of Crosby to the family in the same way that Sydney and Brody will. While we think it will be really wonderful for her, in the long run, to have someone in the family who looks like her and shares a similar story, she is also losing her spot as the "baby" and what makes her different from the rest of us. So, if you would, please join us in praying for our Becca Boo's heart through this process.

Soli Deo Gloria,

k.

"Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer." - Romans 12:12 ESV  

LID & Shoe Funnies

Shortly after I posted yesterday about our adoption grant, I got an email from our social worker that said we were officially LID! There are four steps in this process, before we receive our Letter of Acceptance (LOA). Gotta love all the adoption acronyms, right?! 😉 The four steps are Translation, Review, Matching and Seeking Confirmation. Currently, our dossier is in the Translation phase. When we received our Log-In Date during Becca's adoption 5 years ago, we had Sydney and Brody make the letters "LID" in sign language (Read the old post here if you want to reminisce with me.). Now that we have three kids home, they each got to do a letter for Crosby's LID! They're all just getting WAY too big over here (The tween with the ripped jeans is Exhibit A). I just gotta throw in the old pic for fun...

Fun, true story... during Becca's adoption, we sent her a birthday party and a pair of crocs. Someone must have messed up her shoe size, because if you look closely in the current picture, she is wearing those crocs today. When she came to the hotel with us, she brought her birthday crocs which were only about 5 sizes too big. HAHA. At least they weren't too small; she's getting to use them this summer. Speaking of shoe funnies, we had another shoe disaster today actually. Sydney's flip flop came totally apart early in the day, and we still had lots of walking around to do. A paper clip was all I could find in my purse, so we wove it into the fabric and stuck it into the bottom of her flip flop. Voila! I walked around the rest of the day feeling like MacGuyver. [Side note: I've also been known to staple pants before. There's no wardrobe malfunction we haven't been able to handle so far armed with my Mary Poppins-like purse.] But, I think my favorite funny shoe story is when we drove all the way down to Atlanta for one of Becca's craniofacial (extremely hard to get) appointments, only to discover that my oldest (who had lived 9 years on this earth at the time) had forgotten to wear shoes that day. FORGOTTEN TO WEAR SHOES, Y'ALL. We had no choice...we parked in the garage, I gave her my socks, and we went on our merry way...getting strange looks all morning. Thankfully, she is much more responsible now, and it's my 8 year old I have to worry about remembering his shoes, glasses, underwear...basically himself. Oh, but it's so fun. They make me laugh every day, and laughter is such good medicine. Anywho, I just wanted to share our joyous news with all of you wonderful friends and family who are praying with us and following along in this journey! We love yas!!

Soli Deo Gloria,

k.

Adoption Grant!

I hope this post finds you and your family enjoying a wonderful summer. The kids and I are definitely enjoying the unscheduled days and lots of board games, of course. We are still waiting for news of our LID, and I'll post as soon as I hear something. Crosby's 2nd birthday is coming up soon, and we were able to arrange a little birthday party at his orphanage for him. I so wish we could be with him, but we are looking forward to seeing pictures from the celebration! 

I also wanted to take a moment to share about a Matching Grant opportunity, if any of you feel moved in your hearts to give toward our adoption costs. As I shared in an earlier post, our expenses are expected to total roughly $36,000. God has been so gracious in His provision, and we have been able to pay each bill so far! We have about $23,000 in costs remaining, and through the gift of a generous friend, we now have $5,000 available through a Lifesong matching grant. We have also received news that Promise686 has given us a Matching Grant commitment for $3,500! Promise686 (a 501c3 organization) is a not-for-profit ministry here in Atlanta dedicated to helping Christian families in the area with adoption and foster care needs. Promise686 will match donations they receive on our behalf dollar-for-dollar up to $3,500, thus multiplying the impact of your gifts. Any additional donations beyond that will still go toward our adoption expenses. If you and your family are in a season of blessing and God moves your hearts to give, we would so appreciate you coming alongside our family with a gift of support. Any donation given to Promise686 on our behalf is tax-deductible and will be used to help bring Crosby home. [Note: per IRS guidelines, Promise686 maintains complete discretion and control over the use of all donated funds, but intends to honor the donor’s suggested use.]

If you would like to be a part of supporting our adoption financially, please send a check by September 1^st to the following address, with “Wolfe Adoption” written in the memo section.

Promise686, Inc.

4729 Peachtree Industrial Blvd.

Suite 100

Berkeley Lake, GA 30092

If you prefer to give electronically, P686 can accept donations at the following link:

Give to the Wolfe Adoption Grant

We are so thankful for your love and support!

Soli Deo Gloria,

k.

DTC!

Just wanted to post a quick update about how things are coming along! On June 1st, we received word from our agency that we were officially "DTC" or Dossier to China. This means that all our initial paperwork has been authenticated and has now been sent to China! The majority of the paperwork on our end is now complete, and we are waiting for a Log-in Date ("LID") from the China Center for Children's Welfare and Adoption (CCCWA). This usually takes 3-4 weeks, so we are hoping to be LID very soon! After that, we will be waiting to receive our Letter of Acceptance (LOA) from China, which can take about 3 months. So, lots of waiting ahead. 

In the meantime, we have also received news of two matching grants we've been approved for, and we are incredibly thankful for God's provision for our family. Thanks to the generosity of God's people, we already have one of them fully pledged! I'll post more information about our remaining matching grant soon.

The kids and I are enjoying the slower pace of summer and more restful days at home. We're also trying to rap up various projects on the house, so we can be ready when Crosby comes home. Please continue praying for a speedy adoption process, and that the Lord would continue to prepare the hearts of Crosby and our other children to grow as a family.

Soli Deo Gloria,

k.

"The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup; You hold my lot. The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance. I bless the Lord who gives me counsel; in the night also my heart instructs me. I have set the Lord always before me; because He is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken. Therefore, my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices; my flesh also dwells secure. For You will not abandon my soul to Sheol, or let your holy one see corruption. You make known to me the path of life; in Your presence there is fullness of joy; at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore." 

Psalm 16:5-11 ESV

The Great Unknown

Last time I posted I mentioned that I would go into more detail about our medical consults for Crosby, but first I'd like to just say that Josh and I incredibly grateful that a resource such as the International Adoption Clinic (IAC) even exists. We first visited the Birmingham location when getting home with Becca, and we were able to get all of her records translated for our regular pediatrician. That way she didn't have to re-do any immunizations, and we had a clear picture of what medical procedures she had already received in China. The IAC was also able to provide a baseline measurement for all her areas of development, not to mention get her on the road to healing from some nasty parasites she had from contaminated water. We didn't do a medical consult with Becca's file before we traveled, because her documented needs were so straight-forward. Crosby's file was a different story altogether.

As I mentioned in my last post, Crosby's file had a host of hard-to-pronounce medical jargon. It also contained miniature photos of CT scans and tests and diagnoses with which we were totally unfamiliar. When we started this adoption journey, cleft was on our radar, surgeries were on our radar, therapies and interventions were on our radar. But, brain injury was just not on our radar. 

Crosby's documented medical needs included premature birth, an eyelid disorder and hydrocephalus. Hydrocephalus is a really common medical need in waiting children, and, as you may have guessed, it basically means "excess fluid in the brain cavity." Typically, this involves surgery to place a shunt which drains the fluid, and many times multiple follow up surgeries, because shunts often fail. This we understood, but there were so many other things in his file that just didn't add up. After looking at his miniature CT scan pictures with a radiologist, the doctor we spoke with said they don't think this is what they're seeing. It's not out of the question, but their best guess is that we're not looking at hydrocephalus. 

Crosby was born prematurely and weighed less than 4 pounds at birth. He was taken to the NICU as soon as he was found and stayed there for a month and a half, but we don't know how long he was without medical intervention. Of all the terms in his file, the doctor felt this one diagnosis was what we needed to most prepare ourselves for: hypoxic ischemic encephalopathy (HIE). Infant HIE is a type of brain injury that occurs at birth and results from a reduced flow of oxygen to the brain and blood to the vital organs. It occurs in roughly 60% of premature births. In a US hospital, premies get oxygen immediately after birth, but Crosby wasn't born in a hospital and did not receive immediate care. The doctor believes what they see on the CT scan is a reduced size brain in the areas that sustained damage from HIE, not excess fluid. Of course, when he gets home, he will need an MRI so we can get a clearer picture. There is a wide range of severity and effects from HIE, and since Crosby is so young, we are basically entering the great unknown here. We were told to expect at a minimum that he will likely have significant learning disabilities and ADHD, as these are incredibly common in kids with any kind of brain injury. At the other end of the spectrum, we've had to prepare ourselves for the fact that our little guy may hit a wall in his development, and he might be very young when that happens. But, we have chosen not to dwell there, because we serve the God of the Bible...a God of miracles...a God who loves and cares and heals. We are at peace with the "worst-case scenario," but we are full of hope that God is going to work miracles in Crosby's heart and life. We are hopeful that he is going to break every limit put on his diagnosis. I'm claiming it, y'all. This little guy, our son...he's going to be an overcomer. I am already praying John 9:3 over him, "that the works of God might be displayed in him." I cannot wait to see what Crosby can do and how God is going to use him. What a gift we have been given!!! We are going to get front row seats to see God's glory, His hand at work in the life of our son. A-to-the-men; let it be so. 

As we enter this great unknown, instead of dwelling on what could be and all the hardest possibilities, we are fixing our eyes on Christ and on what we do know. Pray that the Lord would keep us in that place, a place of truth, strength and hope. Crosby's name means "dwells at the shrine of the cross," and that's where we be sittin'. We are planting ourselves 'round His pierced feet at the cross and looking to the empty grave with hope, and we pray that our children would always be near to King Jesus. Truly, I would find no greater joy (3 John 1:4).

Our little buddy's physical development shows growth that we find shocking for a child living in institutionalized care, but his brain size is just not keeping up with the rest of his body. Pray with us for healing and brain rewiring beyond what is medically possible, because we know the Creator of the brain. We also know that the sooner we get our little guy home, the better!! The sooner kids with brain injury receive intervention and the love and care of a family, the greater the chance there is for rewiring to take place. The brain is an absolutely AMAZING creation, and I am learning all I can about it. If you have resources you'd recommend, please pass them along to us. This is all new for us, and we're seeking the wisdom God has given others in this area. Please continue praying for a speedy adoption process, so we can start loving on Crosby in our home!!!

"Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through Him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." - Romans 5:1-5 ESV

At His feet,

k.

The Road to Crosby

I told a friend this weekend that I am finding myself to be much more patient this time around. I've come to understand that no amount of worrying or repeatedly refreshing my email is going to speed up this adoption process. This newfound patience is most definitely the work of God. I am not a patient person by nature -- I was born two weeks early and have been rushing through life ever since, always trying to do things quicker and earlier at every turn. But, the Lord is changing me by His grace; He's showing me the value in waiting and living patiently. And, it is so so good to rest at His feet and to live in today.

In the waiting to meet Crosby, I have found myself reflecting daily on the sovereign hand of God. I look back at Becca's adoption, and I am just amazed at how the details and timing of every decision made, every stack of paperwork completed, led us to her specifically, our daughter. Every adoption begins with tragedy, but we know without a doubt that Becca coming to join our family was part of God's redeeming plan for her life and ours. She is first a child of God, but she is also a Wolfe; she is ours, and we are hers. God has done this too. He has knitted our hearts together through the hard work of attachment. There are challenges no matter how your family grows, true; but adoption is not an easy road. It may look easy from the highlight reel of social media, but there are hard, hard days leading up to each and every celebration. We wouldn't trade this trek for the world. Adoption has changed us. It has opened our eyes to the world of hurting children coming from hard places. It has expanded our view of and hearts for children with disabilities and birth defects, and we have seen glimpses of Jesus every step of the way. We are so excited to watch Him work again as little Crosby joins our pack!

I try to be sensitive about what I share of my children's stories because their stories belong to them, but I do want to share a bit about our road to Crosby so you might see the hand of God as we have. We started our home study with the intention of adopting a waiting child, a boy aged 0-7 years old. Both of us were thinking he would likely be at least 4, since we know there is such a great need to adopt older children particularly boys. We started the process open to a wide variety and severity of needs, but in the back of my head, I thought we would be going down the cleft road again. After all, we already have a team of doctors at CHOA, and we kind of know what we're doing from experience. But, that was not God's plan.

As we started our home study, we took a look at our agency's list of waiting children in China. That's when I saw his sweet little smiling face, and I was immediately smitten. I was thinking, "Aww, but he looks so young. We are probably too old to start over with a baby, and I'm sure he's already on hold with another family anyhow." I looked down at his English advocacy name, and my chin hit the ground. It was "Norman." Norman is my grandfather's name, and Josh and I had always talked about naming a child after him. Here was little "Norman"... almost a decade after those discussions about my grandfather's name. Coincidence? I think not. This was the hand of God. So, we emailed our social worker to check and see if we could view his file. Sure enough, his file was already being viewed by another family. However, due to a change in adoption guidance that had just come out from the US Department of State, families are no longer able to submit a Letter of Intent for a specific child in China until they have an approved home study. Turns out we were much closer to finishing our home study, and our agency did not have Norman's file much longer before it would go back to the shared list. I was sitting in Chick-fil-A awaiting my turn for our next home study interview when I got the call from our social worker. She explained the situation and said that if we would like to put Norman's file on hold, we now could! Coincidence? I think not. This was the hand of God. So, we said YES! and we started the process to get a review of his medical files from the International Adoption Clinic (IAC) in Birmingham, who might be able to help us understand some of the crazy words in his file and talk us through what some of his needs might require. 

Based on what we saw in his file on our own, I'll be honest...it was a bit scary, especially when I started googling all of the unfamiliar words. Josh and I had to get real honest with ourselves and have hard conversations about what we could and could not say "yes" to, given that we have three other children, our financial situation, and the distance we live from Atlanta. After much prayer and discussion, we were both 100% ALL IN after our medical consults [more on that in my next post]. We finished our home study as quickly as possible and completed it just days before Norman's file would have gone back to the shared list. Coincidence? I think not. This was the hand of God. God is SO good, and His timing is perfectly sovereign! Experiencing the way He goes before us and knowing His presence is with us continues to grow our faith and allows us to patiently rest in the long, hard wait. 

"You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You. 

Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting rock." 

- Isaiah 26:3-4 ESV -

Soli Deo Gloria,

k.

Plugging Along

I know it's been almost a month since I've posted an update, but we're still plugging along! In the past month, we've gotten our dossier documents together and sent them off for translation and authentication, waited for and went to Atlanta to get our biometric fingerprinting for Homeland Security, have been applying for adoption grants, and trying to learn more about Crosby's special needs and how we can best meet those, along with general end-of-the-school-year busyness! Josh also started a new job last week, and we've still been working on building out the kids closets here at the house. (We did all the finishing on our house after drywall to save money, so we're still finishing all kinds of projects around here.) Super news: we received our approval notice from USCIS yesterday, so our immigration documents are being sent off today for county/state authentication! That came faster than we were expecting, so it was definitely an answer to prayer. We are hoping and praying that we will be able to travel and bring Crosby home in November or December, and right now that is looking very promising! Sooner would be AMAZING! 

Please be praying that we would receive some matching grant funds! Matching grants would give our friends and family the opportunity to give tax-deductible donations towards our adoption costs that will then be matched be a not-for-profit organization. If you aren't familiar with the adoption process, you may not know how incredibly expensive it is. We expect our total costs to be about $36,000, but we expect to get some of that back through the adoption tax credit ($13,840). Of course, we still have to pay those additional funds up front and then we'll get them back in future years against our tax liability. Adoption costs include agency service fees, orphan care fees, administrative fees for all the agencies involved, liaison fees, translation fees, fingerprinting, training, couriers, visas, attorney fees and travel costs. Most people are really surprised that when you break down all the fees...the official adoption costs paid to China are just a small part of the cost. We are not a family that makes six figures, so that number is HUGE for us. Fortunately, we serve a BIG GOD! He has always, always, always provided for us, and we know He will be faithful to do it again. Whenever we have laid what we have at His feet for His purposes (our loaves and fishes), He has multiplied them. We work really hard to live within our means, save money and be good stewards, because we recognize that all we have is a gift from God. We buy second hand clothing and forego the toys, so we can cover our crazy medical bills (which are about to get even higher) and still give sacrificially. We are incredibly grateful for all that we have, and we know we have more than most. I don't say these things to toot our horn; I just want you all to know that we don't take your financial gifts lightly. We know that you all work just as hard as we do, and we promise that anything you end up giving will go directly towards our adoption costs. We will keep you posted on any grant opportunities! We expect to hear more in the next month or so.

Until then....thank you for your continued prayers!

And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work. - 2 Corinthians 9:8

There's Someone We'd Like You to Meet!

We got news this morning that we have received Pre-Approval (PA) from China to adopt a specific little guy who has captured our hearts! His little face has been on our minds since we first saw it, and now you all will have a face to accompany your prayers. We can't wait to hold this sweet boy in our arms and bring him home as the newest little Wolfie!

By His Power

If you've been wondering what we've we been doing for the last few weeks...we've been filling out mountains of paperwork, getting copies of important documents together, crunching numbers, getting our physicals and blood-work done, making phone calls and conducting interviews about resources, finishing up our home study meetings, reviewing the draft of our home study report, and doing lots of praying and waiting. That's a cycle you have to get used to in the adoption process...fill out paperwork like mad, trust the Lord and wait. 

We are hoping to finish up our home study this week. Then we'll be able to submit a Letter of Intent (LOI) for a specific little boy. We are praying hard for the Lord's will to be done, trusting Him in the midst of all the unknowns and praying for His equipping. We can't wait to share more as time goes on and we're able! I told our social worker last week... I just don't know how people go through this process without being able to trust in the sovereignty of God. I would be an absolute basket case if I didn't have that assurance! 

When I started blogging about Becca's adoption, I answered a few questions we were getting asked a lot. We are getting some of those same questions this time from folks we didn't know back then. [See my post called "A Growing Pack" for the answers to the following questions: Why adopt when you can have biological children? Why international adoption? How are you going to pay for this?] Our answers have grown longer, but our initial reasons are also still present. We have more reasons for heading back to China now, including the amount of boys in the medical needs program vs. the amount who are actually being adopted, our love for the people of China has only grown and we also love that Becca will have someone else in our family who looks like her and has a similar story. 

Another question we are being asked is what drew us to the medical needs program. In a word, experience. Each of our three children have had medical needs over the years, requiring surgeries, hospital stays, regular treatments and specialists. Josh often jokes that I am "Dr. Karen," and I do feel I deserve at least an honorary nursing degree or something. Ok, not really, but I'm on my way there after hours in specialist offices and hospitals. I have the utmost respect for people in the medical field; our family is greatly in their debt. Because of our experience, we feel more at ease with all things medical than your average Joe; most medical needs just don't scare us anymore. We believe that's the work of God in our lives; we believe He has prepared and equipped us to not only handle medical needs, but to have the honor and privilege of helping our children (whatever their needs may be) to grow and thrive! 

We have already seen the fingerprints of God all over this adoption, from circumstances to provision to stretching our minds to divine conversations. A lot of the details we aren't able to share yet, but there are a few quick examples that I can share. 1) We recently switched pediatricians due to our move, and on our first visit, we learned the kids' new doctor was an adoptee! And, she was awesome! 2) Josh and I have both gotten calls out of the blue that were answers to our prayers for God's financial provision. 3) We've become aware of some promising therapy resources right in our own little rural area. & 4) I'm attending a women's Bible study through our church, and we are studying Exodus and Leviticus. Last week, our lesson was about His equipping, and our biblical texts spoke to me right where I was at.... struggling with some thoughts and questions about specific medical needs. He gave me total peace from His Word! God can handle the big questions, and He cares about the details; He can handle our doubts and feelings of inadequacy. So, if you are struggling with those things too, cast your cares on Him and live in the Bible. He will be faithful to answer if you seek Him!

Thank you all for your continued prayers and encouragement! Keep asking questions; we love sharing about adoption and aren't easily offended by honest questions. We are far from experts, but we love to educate where we can and share our personal experience with adoption. 

To this end we always pray for you, that our God may make you worthy of His calling and may fulfill every resolve for good and every work of faith BY HIS POWER, so that the name of our Lord Jesus may be glorified in you, and you in Him, according to the grace of our God and the Lord Jesus Christ.

2 Thessalonians 1:11-12 ESV

Expansion

We are excited to announce that our family has recently started the adoption process again! After a four year blogging hibernation (oops), I will attempt to revive my blog to keep our friends and family in the loop. You and your prayers were such an encouragement and source of strength for our family through our first adoption process. When we started the process to bring Becca home, we had a hunch we would be heading back to China to adopt again. We initially had no idea that there were so many boys in China's waiting child (special needs) program, and this time we plan to bring home a son! We are using the same agency as last time, and we will be adopting a boy with medical needs between the ages of 0-7 years old. We have our second home study meeting later this week and are thrilled to be on this journey again!

We have been ready to start the process again for well over a year, but had put things on hold because we planned to move. Over the summer, we moved to the beautiful foothills of North Georgia, just outside of Jasper. Living in a small town rural setting suits our family so well..not to mention, I can see my mom's house from my back porch and my sister's house from my front porch now! It has been wonderful to be so close to family, constantly surrounded by God's magnificent creation rather than retail stores and traffic. Life has slowed down, and we have more time together as a family. We finished building our new house just before Christmas, and we are so utterly thankful. We were able to build the same size house for less money than we sold our house for in the suburbs, which is helping us get started with our adoption expenses.

The kids are doing great! Sydney is 11 years old and in 5th grade this year. She is an avid reader, tree climber and fearless leader. She is excited to start middle school with mom next year, as we plan to homeschool during those glorious middle school years (pray for me!). We are hoping that Sydney will be able to travel to China with us this time. Brody is about to turn 8 this month and is in 2nd grade, and he is as energetic and brilliant as ever. He is absolutely thrilled to be gaining a brother and is excited to have a bunkmate when little brother comes home. Becca Fei...she is just blossoming, y'all! She is 7 1/2 years old, getting straight A's in 1st grade and is an absolute joy. She is currently between cleft surgeries, and we are all enjoying this "down" time. She continues to do weekly speech therapy at school, but she is doing fantastic in a regular classroom. She is always carrying a book around and loves to eat...just like her Momma. 

I am enjoying being home full-time and planning homeschool curriculum for Sydney next year. (Don't tell her, but the planning will probably be my favorite part.) Unfortunately, Josh hasn't had much time to rest, since we have been working on the house. Thanks to his handy construction skills, we decided to finish the house ourselves, and well...we are still working on closets and shelving and filling nail holes, etc. He is, however, enjoying his virtually stress-free commute! Mountain views > Barrett Parkway. We have also plugged in to a great local church up here, Mountain City Church, and we have already begun to make some wonderful friendships. We are so thankful for the Lord's provision!!!

Please pray with us... (1) that the Lord would prepare our new son's heart to join our family and to know Him, (2) that the Lord would prepare our hearts to attach, (3) that the Lord would continue to provide the adoption funds and direct the process to go smoothly, (4) that the Lord would continue to grow us and teach us, molding us into the parents that our children need, ones who point to Him, and (5) that the Lord would sustain our new son's health until we are able to bring him home to receive whatever care he needs. And, praise the Lord with us! We are so grateful to join Him in His mission to care for the fatherless. He is the author of adoption; He is the one who brings beauty from ashes. His heart is one that defends the orphan, who creates, sustains, values and loves life and children. This is HIS work, and He will be faithful to complete it. We serve such a GOOD and LOVING God! 

"The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ and the love of God and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit 

be with you all." - 2 Corinthians 13:14