I told a friend this weekend that I am finding myself to be much more patient this time around. I've come to understand that no amount of worrying or repeatedly refreshing my email is going to speed up this adoption process. This newfound patience is most definitely the work of God. I am not a patient person by nature -- I was born two weeks early and have been rushing through life ever since, always trying to do things quicker and earlier at every turn. But, the Lord is changing me by His grace; He's showing me the value in waiting and living patiently. And, it is so so good to rest at His feet and to live in today.
In the waiting to meet Crosby, I have found myself reflecting daily on the sovereign hand of God. I look back at Becca's adoption, and I am just amazed at how the details and timing of every decision made, every stack of paperwork completed, led us to her specifically, our daughter. Every adoption begins with tragedy, but we know without a doubt that Becca coming to join our family was part of God's redeeming plan for her life and ours. She is first a child of God, but she is also a Wolfe; she is ours, and we are hers. God has done this too. He has knitted our hearts together through the hard work of attachment. There are challenges no matter how your family grows, true; but adoption is not an easy road. It may look easy from the highlight reel of social media, but there are hard, hard days leading up to each and every celebration. We wouldn't trade this trek for the world. Adoption has changed us. It has opened our eyes to the world of hurting children coming from hard places. It has expanded our view of and hearts for children with disabilities and birth defects, and we have seen glimpses of Jesus every step of the way. We are so excited to watch Him work again as little Crosby joins our pack!
I try to be sensitive about what I share of my children's stories because their stories belong to them, but I do want to share a bit about our road to Crosby so you might see the hand of God as we have. We started our home study with the intention of adopting a waiting child, a boy aged 0-7 years old. Both of us were thinking he would likely be at least 4, since we know there is such a great need to adopt older children particularly boys. We started the process open to a wide variety and severity of needs, but in the back of my head, I thought we would be going down the cleft road again. After all, we already have a team of doctors at CHOA, and we kind of know what we're doing from experience. But, that was not God's plan.
As we started our home study, we took a look at our agency's list of waiting children in China. That's when I saw his sweet little smiling face, and I was immediately smitten. I was thinking, "Aww, but he looks so young. We are probably too old to start over with a baby, and I'm sure he's already on hold with another family anyhow." I looked down at his English advocacy name, and my chin hit the ground. It was "Norman." Norman is my grandfather's name, and Josh and I had always talked about naming a child after him. Here was little "Norman"... almost a decade after those discussions about my grandfather's name. Coincidence? I think not. This was the hand of God. So, we emailed our social worker to check and see if we could view his file. Sure enough, his file was already being viewed by another family. However, due to a change in adoption guidance that had just come out from the US Department of State, families are no longer able to submit a Letter of Intent for a specific child in China until they have an approved home study. Turns out we were much closer to finishing our home study, and our agency did not have Norman's file much longer before it would go back to the shared list. I was sitting in Chick-fil-A awaiting my turn for our next home study interview when I got the call from our social worker. She explained the situation and said that if we would like to put Norman's file on hold, we now could! Coincidence? I think not. This was the hand of God. So, we said YES! and we started the process to get a review of his medical files from the International Adoption Clinic (IAC) in Birmingham, who might be able to help us understand some of the crazy words in his file and talk us through what some of his needs might require.
Based on what we saw in his file on our own, I'll be honest...it was a bit scary, especially when I started googling all of the unfamiliar words. Josh and I had to get real honest with ourselves and have hard conversations about what we could and could not say "yes" to, given that we have three other children, our financial situation, and the distance we live from Atlanta. After much prayer and discussion, we were both 100% ALL IN after our medical consults [more on that in my next post]. We finished our home study as quickly as possible and completed it just days before Norman's file would have gone back to the shared list. Coincidence? I think not. This was the hand of God. God is SO good, and His timing is perfectly sovereign! Experiencing the way He goes before us and knowing His presence is with us continues to grow our faith and allows us to patiently rest in the long, hard wait.
"You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You.
Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting rock."
- Isaiah 26:3-4 ESV -
Soli Deo Gloria,
k.
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